Movies
The Bleeding (V)
“The Bleeding has a plot that could have been birthed from the womb of a dozen Junior High sleepovers.”
The Bleeding has a plot that could have been birthed from the womb of a dozen Junior High sleepovers. Shawn Black is a beefcake vampire slayer, a blank-eyed muscle-man who oozes an indifference that‘s almost comical. Looking for the vampire that murdered his parents, Black skips down a veritable yellow brick road of B-movie subplots before reaching his goal. He hooks up with a few oddball characters, collects some trinkets and weapons, and then predictably faces down the main vampire (Vinnie Jones) in the movie’s final moments. With predictable results. Add in Black’s unintentionally goofy voiceover narration, and it’s easy to imagine the screenplay as something hand-written in a sloppy cursive and stored in a Trapper Keeper adorned with Transformers stickers.
“This is good and evil shit,” intones Black’s bored-as-fuck sounding voiceover, “straight out of the bible.” With the help of some clumsy flashbacks, Black fills everybody in on the shit they may have missed. There was a war in heaven, and the good angels kicked the bad angels out. Black’s brother was killed while serving in Afghanistan, but the body was never found, and it really bugs Black. Like, alot. Black collected cars with his Italian father, but his Irish mother didn’t approve. Deeming the audience sufficiently bored after his ass-spray of exposition, Black settles down for a drink. (“I didn’t know which to do first,” the voiceover mumbles, “get revenge…or get drunk––I needed to do both.” Okay, then.) Armand Assante and William McNamara are the nagging police detectives who show up to break up his drunken pity party, but they’re onscreen so briefly that if you get up for a beer, you’ll totally miss ‘em.
Black’s only real lead in his vampire hunt is the name and address of a guy named Tagg, so he loads up on guns and shit and cruises on over. (“I always believe if you need something done, you just gotta take care of it yourself,” sez the disinterested voiceover. “Otherwise, it always turns out the same––too many chiefs, not enough Indians.” Whatever that means.) Black arrives to discover that Tagg is actually jailed rapper DMX, and for some reason he’s getting the living shit tortured out of his hand. Once he’s been duly rescued, DMX is compelled to regale the audience with even MORE exposition, a bunch of nonsense about a vampire king being born once every one or two hundred years. Then DMX hooks Black up with some silver bullets and sends him on his way.
Next stop, Father Roy. (Or rather: “Next stop…Father Roy. Talk about putting your parishioners to sleep. Seems like this guy’s entire congregation…is resting in peace.”) The role of Father Roy is phoned in by Michael Madsen, who is once again willing to accept a paycheck for simply remaining conscious while in frame. He introduces Black to a bulletproof hearse and a crypt full of guns. Yeah, I know, it seems like The Bleeding is going to start getting exciting at any given moment, even as it drags its plot through puddles of random back story on the way to it‘s lackluster showdown. Sure, there are car chases and explosions, titties and mild gore, all thrown together into one sloppy package. But it’s like a drunken studio exec listened to the pitch of a nerdy 7th grader and decided to throw $4 million at it.
And although the amateurish script is the root of the problem, some blame should be shouldered by Michael Matthias, the newcomer who plays Shawn Black. Supposedly a “discovery” on the part of producer Michael Tadross Jr., he’s an action hero who’s lacking both dexterity and charisma, ultimately coming across like an awkward cross between Vin Diesel and a russet potato. As the lead role in an over-budgeted action flick packed with scenery-chewing character actors, he visibly flounders at every step. An action picture can succeed despite a shitty script, but without a strong central hero, it will always die a slow death.
Editorials
André Øvredal’s ‘Troll Hunter’ Remains One of the Best Found Footage Movies
In this day and age, the word “troll” is often used to describe various online nuisances. Yet as abundant and irksome as the modern troll can be, they aren’t usually as fearsome as their mythological counterparts. I’m not talking about the small and gentler versions that have become more common to see in media. No, there are much bigger and scarier trolls out there—and André Øvredal’s movie Troll Hunter is one of the best places to find them.
It doesn’t take long for Troll Hunter (or Trolljegeren) to dump the Blair Witch Project-esque setup and aim for something a lot fresher. The trajectory of the story is augmented by Otto Jespersen’s character Hans, the titular Troll Hunter. The second he comes barreling out of the deep, dark woods and shouts “troll” at the camera, this movie takes a turn into what feels like uncharted territory. Not only subject-wise, but also conceptually.
For fantastical and made-up subject matter in cinema, found footage is a fast way to add a guise of believability. After all, what we accept to be the most crucial aspect of documentaries—the truth—rubs off on pseudo-documentaries, despite our understanding of the pretense involved. That is what Øvredal delivered with Troll Hunter: a movie so convincing that some viewers wondered if trolls really do exist. So, had this been straightforwardly made, it likely wouldn’t have been as effective. Conventional narratives would be more inclined to treat something like trolls as flat out unreal, and never try to convince the audience to think otherwise.

Hans petrifies the three-headed Tusseladd troll.
The viewers, like the characters trailing Hans, are quickly thrown into the deeper end of that extraordinary story. They have to process all this new information while staying on the go. So, although there is no significant amount of meandering, narratively or physically, there is still a good amount of atmosphere, not to mention tension building. It’s never anything frightful, but then again, Troll Hunter isn’t your standard offering of horror; it’s more on the low end of the dark fantasy spectrum. We aren’t ever spirited away to a faraway world—we stay in rather familiar surroundings, as well as dip into those less so. The outcome is a movie where you’re constantly more in awe than in terror.
As fantasy fiction might do, Troll Hunter prefers not to deal with incredulity. There is no time to waste on doubt, as interviewer Thomas (Glenn Erland Tosterud), soundperson Johanna (Johanna Mørck), and cameraman Kalle (Tomas Alf Larsen) all follow Hans around, recording whatever this character is willing to reveal about his bizarre job. Of course, the Troll Hunter himself is not an open book; in that respect, the diegetic documentary fails to fully capture and unpack the more interesting of its two subjects. Yes, all those giant, monstrous trolls are indeed incredible, but understandably, your mind wanders to their pursuer. What kind of person signs up for this gig and then chooses to stick with it for so long?
Reviews have called out Troll Hunter for its lack of character development. In regard to Thomas and his fellow documentarians, that criticism is valid, but bear in mind, they aren’t the focus of the story, either. Meanwhile, Hans is a well-crafted character. At least better than first realized. Before he was introduced, Hans had already grown tired of the troll grind. Fed up with that low compensation for his services, resentful of the bureaucracy, and wanting to expose his employer on a large scale, Hans’ discontent is glaring.
Then there are those finer details about the Troll Hunter, such as that indifference to both the natural splendor of his everyday surroundings and the affections of an obviously smitten colleague, that also suggest some level of despondency. So it is fair to say this movie doesn’t feature any sizable growth for its characters; however, the namesake isn’t underwritten. No doubt, putting a real-life character like Otto Jespersen in that role is partly why Hans is so fascinating—maybe even relatable.

Otto Jespersen as Hans the Troll Hunter.
There is always a small risk whenever using the term “mockumentary” to describe a found-footage movie, as the word could imply humor where there is none. In the case of Troll Hunter, the term’s usage is appropriate. Some folks have claimed the English-dubbed version has the more comedic tone, however, the Norwegian cut isn’t exactly humorless. Apart from the trolls’ absurd appearances, this is a movie where the characters nearly choke on the monsters’ farts, and Christians are like walking targets. Hans’ complete apathy towards everything is another cause of laughter. Overall, the comedy is intentionally dry and inconsistent. Unfunny, though? Absolutely not.
In a movie where endemic creatures are maltreated, as well as disavowed from living freely and peacefully, it’s hard not to notice the ecological message buried beneath the story. In addition to that is the unmistakable political satire. There is this whole business about intrusive and unsightly power lines—like trolls, they’re big blemishes on the land—that leads to what is perhaps the movie’s funniest moment. The scene in question is that one where certain electric lines, the ones secretly being used to keep the trolls at bay, go in a loop and don’t actually send power to any residents. Yet the monitors of said lines don’t find this at all weird. So it stands to reason that Øvredal was having a go at those who accept the government’s doings without question.
Looking past the fact that trolls aren’t actually real, this movie is an enlightening source of information. And not just for international audiences; Norwegians, too, get schooled about their homeland’s own mythology. It’s also evident from everything on screen that Øvredal and his crew were enthusiastic about the topic. The creature designs are the most indicative of that zeal; those imaginative yet myth-accurate manifestations are equally amusing and grotesque. One second you’re laughing at their phallic noses, the next you’re white-knuckling during a hairy sequence. Most surprisingly is how well the trolls’ visual effects hold up after fifteen years. It’s not all spotless, but on the whole, they remain impressive.
Vouching for a mockumentary about trolls isn’t easy, but those who do come around and give it a shot will more than likely be grateful for the recommendation. For Troll Hunter is a real find in that vast and varied genre we call “found footage“.

A bridge troll reaches up for food and finds Hans decked out in armor.
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