Movies
Monsters In The Woods
“Monsters in the Woods has its charms, though. First, the effects aren’t that bad if you take them with a low-budget grain of salt. The monsters themselves reminded me of 1960’s cold war scare films. There are effects, like the girl getting her face ripped off, that are pretty good if you don’t stare at it for too long. And did I mention the cave vagina?”
Monsters in the Woods written and directed by Jason Horton can be summed up in two words:
Cave vagina.
It’s a wonderful thing that so many filmmakers are able to make their films. It is also something to be applauded when these filmmakers try to be real and new in a very competitive world. However, it is not enjoyable when a filmmaker appears to be lazy. The opening of Monsters in the Woods caused a swarm of mixed feelings for me. At first I felt it wasn’t even trying. Then the opening credits rolled and I figured I might as well stick it out. By the end, I was sorely disappointed.
The films teeter totters through being found footage of some sort to being a normal narrative piece. Jayson Harrisford and his crew are out in the woods filming extra scenes for his amazing film that distributors said was lacking sex and violence. The solution? Shoot so much that the watchers are “’choking on blood and titties.”
So for 28 or so minutes, we follow these bland characters as they set up shots and do behind the scene interviews. The producer is some guy that looks like the host of Bizarre Foods and long story short, he has made a deal with the devil to gain greatness for this film. His ridiculous debt is to gather 12 souls to open the gates of Hell which makes little to no sense because how can he become famous if it becomes Hell on Earth?
The most remotely entertaining part of this story is the point I made above. The gates of hell are in a cave. A hole in the cave. And this slimy hole of Hell gives birth to the monsters in the woods (Psst! That’s the name of the movie! Get it?)
Now, I understand that saying to a filmmaker that their movie isn’t very good is like telling someone their baby isn’t very cute. But when the entertainment is a girl getting mutilated by a giant bug monster and her response is “They ripped off my fucking face” to which another actor responds “It’s not that bad” – I get very irritated. I don’t understand how someone can put money into a film (and this goes for big-budget, too) and not even try to make it decent. Just because it’s low budget doesn’t mean it has to suck.
Monsters in the Woods has its charms, though. First, the effects aren’t that bad if you take them with a low-budget grain of salt. The monsters themselves reminded me of 1960’s cold war scare films. There are effects, like the girl getting her face ripped off, that are pretty good if you don’t stare at it for too long. And did I mention the cave vagina? It’s not the most disturbing representation in a horror film, but it made me even more straight than I am and kind of ashamed for being female.
The quality of the production, though, differs greatly. There are moments that the quality is so fuzzy that it looks like one of my old VHS tapes – and one that got chewed by the player. Again, this is probably intentional on the filmmakers part, but it takes away from any legitimateness that the film could have had.
A very hungry hippopotamus leads the charge for this week’s brand new horror releases, with Hungry now available at home along with four other new genre movies on Digital outlets.
Here’s all the new horror that released on Tuesday, June 23, 2026!
After a limited theatrical run, hippo horror movie Hungry is now available at home.
From writer and director James Nunn (Shark Bait, One Shot), Hungry follows thrill-seeking tourists on a riverboat tour through the treacherous Louisiana swamplands. Lured off the beaten path by the promise of an exclusive adventure, they soon find themselves fighting for survival against a ravenous hippopotamus lurking beneath the bayou’s murky waters.
Madison Davenport (It’s What’s Inside), Tracey Bonner (Greenland), Michel Curiel (“She-Hulk: Attorney at Law”), Jim Meskimen (“Parks and Recreation”), Samantha Coughlan (Arcadian), Olivia Bernstone (Fighting with My Family), River Codack (“Happy Face”), and Joaquim de Almeida (Desperado) star.
Rob Hunter wrote in his review for Bloody Disgusting, “When all is said and done, Hungry is a genuinely solid animal attack film that succeeds in making its creature threat thrilling, entertaining, and, dare I say, educational?” Rob’s review continues, “Characters are grounded and engaging, the film moves well between suspense, character beats, and action, and the effects used to bring the hippo to life are highly effective and never feel like distractions.”
William Bagley‘s horror comedy Hold the Fort is now available on Digital.
In the film, “Lucas and Jenny think their life is finally coming together when the couple become homeowners. Little do they know that their new house comes with a big catch.
“Lucas and Jenny soon find themselves in a fight for their lives when they become trapped in a battle between their Homeowners Association and an onslaught of monsters from hell.”
Vertigo Releasing promises, “The horror-comedy takes the timely concern of home-ownership and wraps this up in an entertaining action-packed thrill ride.“
Chris Mayers (Adult Swim Yule Log), Haley Leary (“The Walking Dead”), Levi Burdick, and Julian Smith star in Hold the Fort, written and directed by William Bagley.
The latest from filmmaker Alex Noyer, Love Is the Monster is now available on Digital.
Madeline Zima (“Doom Patrol,” “Twin Peaks”) and Leonardo Nam (Werewolf by Night, “Westworld”) star as the unlucky couple discovering romance’s malevolent side.
“Following their marriage being rocked by infidelity, Ana and Justin attend an exclusive couples retreat in Finland, under the golden rays of the summer’s midnight sun. They join other international couples to experience the transformative teachings of the shaman and healer, Tiina, inspired by the ancient Finnish goddess of love and fertility, Lempo.
“Despite her doubts and some ominous first experiences, Ana gives the retreat a chance, but the thrill is quickly replaced by a battle for survival, as the influence of the divinity and the pagan rituals turn deadly. Couples’ problems lead to calamity, while Ana learns about the peculiar role she unwittingly plays in Tiina’s plans.”
Kimberly Sue-Murray (“The Boys”), Moe Jeudy-Lamour (“Ted Lasso”), Kristina Tonteri-Young (“Warrior Nun“), Milla Puolakanaho (Attack on Helsinki), and Sheila McCarthy (Women Talking) also star in Love Is the Monster.
Alex Noyer co-wrote the script with his Sound of Violence collaborator Hannu Aukia and Blair Bathory. Laurence Gendron joins Noyer and Aukia as a producer.
Samara Weaving (Ready or Not 2: Here I Come) and Kyle Gallner (Strange Darling) come together in Carolina Caroline, a sexy crime thriller now available at home.
It’s not a horror movie, mind you, but it’s worth a mention here all the same.
Kyra Sedgwick (Family Movie) and Jon Gries also star in the romantic crime thriller.
Director Adam Carter Rehmeier’s film stars Samara Weaving as Caroline Daniels, whose desire to leave her small Texas town brings her into the orbit of a charismatic con man (Kyle Gallner), and together they weave a path of crime and passion across the American Southeast.
Adam Rehmeier previously directed the films Dinner in America and Snack Shack.
Tom Dean wrote the screenplay for Carolina Caroline.
Described as a mash-up between Pumpkinhead and Cube, Round the Decay offers a fresh take on the monster movie formula with roots extending into psychological and folk horror.
The film is now available on VOD outlets at home.
Written and directed by Adam Newman (Everwinter Night), indie monster movie Round the Decay follows a young woman as she returns to the sleepy town of Newport’s Valley two years after a devastating tragedy and uncovers an all-consuming secret.
Victoria Mirrer leads a cast that includes Damian Maffei (The Strangers: Prey At Night), Sienna Hubert-Ross (Terrifier 3), Melody Kay (The NeverEnding Story III), Phil Duran (Breaking Bad), Sarah Nicklin (The Black Mass), Rachel Pizzolato (Mythbusters Jr.), and Roger Clark (Red Dead Redemption II).
Round the Decay boasts a practical creature designed by veteran special effects artist Greg McDougall (The Haunting of Hill House, Stranger Things, War of the Worlds).
This week’s new release roundups are presented by HUNGRY.
All aboard the swamp tour from hell – this hippo isn’t playing games…
HUNGRY is now available on Digital. Watch it now!
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