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[Review] ‘Scream Queens’ House of Horrors

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This week on Scream Queens the plot thickens as questions are answered and more arise. In a hilarious opening poking fun at Taylor Swift’s “squad” of fans (what’s Ryan Murphy’s obsession with T-Swift anyway?) we find out every year Chanel gives gifts to girls she feels are dumpy and needy, so all of them, as a way to reach out to the public. Of course, her gifts are mere crap like fake blood, severed legs, etc. We learn her favorite time of year is Halloween which is usual for Murphy. This year Chanel has her pledges carve pumpkins to send to the “less fortunate” and via pumpkin carving, Zayday reveals her plan to shove Chanel off bitch mountain and take over as president of KKT by throwing a haunted house party in an abandoned house off campus. Meanwhile, Hester is making a play for Chad Radwell and indulging all of his twisted fantasies of hooking up with dead girls. Hester plans on supporting Zayday, but we learn she eventually wants to claim KKT as her own.

Some spoilers to follow, reader beware:

chanel car

Of course throwing a Halloween party in a supposedly haunted house with a killer on the loose is a phenomenally bad idea but that’s why I love this show. The party itself reveals a lot of answers, namely where the dead bodies went but also that there is a story of a mysterious old hag who supposedly lived in the house with a baby. We discover exactly who the hag is at the end of the episode, not that it’s a surprise at all, but I doubt she’s the killer. Stuck in the 90s and delusional, yes. Killer, obviously not…unless there are 3?

Dean Munsch continues to be a treat with her attempts to corner Wes and is easily let off the hook when we find out she’s bffs with the head detective on the case. Her agenda in the events is devious for sure, but I don’t think murderous. And now that GiGi is revealed to be entirely out of her mind, is Wes even safe with her?

Scream pumpkins

Perhaps the most revealing point is that after speaking with one of the original girls from the Class of ’95, we learn the baby was a girl. Because we know Chanel #3’s dad to be Charles Manson (although that could be a lie) and Grace is automatically off the hook we are left with Chanel, Chanel #5, Hester, and Zayday. All signs point to Hester, but I’d really like to see Chanel #5 have a complete meltdown and reveal herself. The cliffhanger we’re left with is Zayday being kidnapped by the Red Devil which is suspicious because we know Boon’s death was a set up. And where is he anyway?

Scream Queens is coming along nicely and even creating a decent mystery and backstory out of all its outrageous antics. These last couple episodes have slowed down a bit, which is good because we still have 9 (10 if you don’t count the pilot as 2) episodes to go so a lot can still happen. I’d kind of like the killer to take on a Sleepaway Camp twist and have it be one of the guys but who knows? We don’t even know if it’s only two killers at this point.

What did you guys think? Comment or tweet me!

Final Thoughts: 

  • Diego Boneta’s Matthew McConaughey impression is spot on…just…damn…
  • That slow-mo fight scene against the douche bros is so entirely accurate that I almost rooted for Chanel…almost.
  • Chad Radwell is THE scream queen.
  • Denise Hemphill was a fabulous pledge.
SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin, Lea Michele as Hester, Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5 and Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 in the "Haunted House" episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 6 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Hilary Gayle/FOX.

SCREAM QUEENS: Pictured L-R: Emma Roberts as Chanel Oberlin, Lea Michele as Hester, Abigail Breslin as Chanel #5 and Billie Lourd as Chanel #3 in the “Haunted House” episode of SCREAM QUEENS airing Tuesday, Oct. 6 (9:00-10:00 PM ET/PT) on FOX. ©2015 Fox Broadcasting Co. Cr: Hilary Gayle/FOX.

Favorite Lines:

  • “I saw you come out of your mother! Big mistake, by the way.” – Wes
  • “I’m as skinny as Karen Carpenter in the morgue.” – Chanel
  • “By Halloween night, I will avenge your face-stabbing baby girl.” – Denise Hemphill
  • “Her dreams are as dead as she is and mine are alive and breathing.” – Dean Munsch
  • “Hey Jennifer, can you hop off the spectrum for just a second!” – Chanel

Horror Movie Refs: 

  • Leprechaun being watched when the Red Devil attacks former KKT member
  • Wes shows Children of the Corn in his film class and has a surprisingly decent analysis on the film itself
  • Ms. Bean’s body is revealed ala Annie in Halloween 

Annie halloween

Jess is a Northeast Ohio native who has loved all things horror and fringe since birth. She has a tendency to run at the mouth about it and decided writing was the only way not to scare everyone away. If you make a hobby into a career it becomes less creepy. Unless that hobby is collecting baby dolls. Nothing makes that less creepy.

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‘The Bay’ Review: Real Sharks and Practical Effects Can’t Overcome Familiar Waters

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The Bay Review

It’s a day of the month ending in Y, and that means it’s time for another killer shark film. Why? Because they’re inexpensive to make, play into an easy fear, and keep finding audiences willing to give them a spin. The Bay is the latest entry in the shark attack subgenre, and while it’s noticeably better than last month’s Chum, it still struggles to barely stay afloat.

Emma (Francesca Eastwood) and Lani (Dani Oliveros) are best friends who’ve traveled to Thailand for a destination wedding, and a chance encounter at the buffet table leads to an unexpected adventure. Mandal (Alexander Wraith) is a friendly, knowledgeable transplant who connects with nature and makes a living by offering boat tours through the area’s scenic waterways. The trips culminate with the opportunity for tourists to witness a shark feeding with local tiger sharks. The tourists aren’t meant to be the food, obviously, but sometimes accidents happen.

The Bay checks off most of the subgenre’s expected beats – an attractive location, an iffy ensemble of characters, a series of poor choices – but it does a few things differently along the way. For one thing, while we see plenty of sharks in the build-up, the first attack doesn’t happen until past the film’s midpoint. Writer/director Phil Volken fills the time leading up to that attack with engaging enough character beats, some genuine suspense, and an abundance of dialogue about how sharks aren’t typically a threat to people – or threats like people. “Sharks hunt,” says Mandal, “humans kill.”

It’s a bit of foreshadowing, perhaps, but it’s also the film’s presiding theme. Sharks don’t want to hurt or kill humans, but “mistakes happen.” Mandal offers up numerous eco-friendly spiels about the role sharks play in the environment, how overhunting could lead to disaster, and how humans are the ones invading their territory. “Don’t act like prey,” and you won’t be bitten, eaten, digested, and shat out by a shark. Pretty simple, if you think about it.

Trouble starts when they toss a chunk of meat into the water attached to a chain and a large female tiger shark gets caught up in it. Mandal’s sidekick, a local man named Ruhan (Ta’imua), panics and starts stabbing at the thrashing creature. He has a history of being bitten by a shark and is clearly frightened, and as the situation worsens, he becomes a far more active threat to the others’ safety than the actual sharks. That character type is pretty common in these films, but it’s a curious choice to make the film’s sole indigenous member of the ensemble the morally weak link.

To be clear, Ta’imua is playing a local but isn’t actually Thai. He is, however, Hawaiian, and The Bay was filmed off Oahu, meaning he’s the only indigenous representation on both counts. The other three characters, all Americans, are brave and willing to risk their own safety for the group, leaving only Ruhan to put a face to the cruel, selfish humans mentioned earlier in the film. It’s certainly a choice!

His performance is somewhat stifled by the desire to make him seem menacing, but it’s passable. The others are equally okay as performers, but it’s only Oliveros’ Dani who stands apart as a spirited individual worthy of viewer fist pumps. Cinematographer Helge Gerull delivers some attractive landscape shots destined to make you consider a Hawaiian vacation, and composer Gad Emile Zeitune finds some effective aural backdrops for the film’s teasingly emotional moments.

Then there’s the sharks. A major drag on the subgenre these days is the use of cheap CG effects (including the abysmal use of A.I. in Chum), but The Bay sidesteps that problem for the most part. There are real sharks here, lots of them, but they appear to be solely present via stock footage edited into the film. Some CG is used here and there, too, with shots being comped together to tighten the proximity between humans and sharks. Most effective, arguably, are the practical effects used to create fins cutting through the water near the characters.

There’s a sense of grounded reality to the shark kills, and while they’re less showy, they’re weightier as a result. Wounded bodies drift away, and the moment where shark nibbles turn into ferocious feasting feels more inevitable and affecting than sudden or scary. The sole exception to the general quality of those kills is the film’s final shark encounter, which doubles down on the poor choices by pairing a silly CG beat with some poorly matched stock footage.

Pretty much every shark attack movie lives or dies on its presentation of the sharks themselves. There are exceptions, of course, with Steven Spielberg’s Jaws being chief among them – everything about that film, from the writing and acting to the directing and editing, helps make it a masterpiece despite the mechanical shark looking goofy as hell outside of the water – but The Bay isn’t Jaws. It’s not even Jaws: The Revenge. Its live sharks are mildly effective, though, and give it a subdued realism that will likely appeal to viewers averse to CG intrusions. Will that be enough to win them over, though?

“When you enter the ocean, you enter the food chain… and not necessarily at the top,” says an opening onscreen quote from Jacques Cousteau, and something similar could be said for shark attack movies in general. When you make one of these movies, you enter a well-trodden and densely populated subgenre… and you’re all but guaranteed to not be at or even near the top. The Bay is closer to the ocean floor than the water’s surface, and while that still puts it above the bulk of the genre, it’s probably not enough of a reason to step foot in these waters.

The Bay opens in theaters and on demand on July 17, 2026.

1.5 out of 5 skulls

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