Editorials
[Future Movie Reviews] Len Wiseman’s ‘The Exorcist’ Remake!
Greetings. I am a film critic from the future. The near future. So near it wouldn’t even impress you. Everything’s the same. It’s depressing. As a future film critic, it’s my task to electronically deliver spoiler-filled reviews of awful films from my present to yours with an aim to keep these cinematic atrocities from existing in the first place through the power of premature bad press. These are my chronicles: The Future Movie Reviews.
Raise your hand if the one thing that always bugged you about The Exorcist was its lack of CG vomit? I only see a couple hands, but you guys are going to f*cking love Len Wiseman’s remake. The remaining 99% of you may find some slight issues with the film.
Head inside for more!
Wiseman has basically taken everything we loved about The Exorcist and adulterated it with a series of typical modern horror tropes. What was once a mature crisis of faith told through a solid story of good vs. evil is now a neutered found footage hodgepodge of familiar beats lacking any gravitas. Luckily, it’s only 88 minutes long.
First and foremost, this film shares the original’s title but not its thematic intent. Wiseman has no interest in examining Catholicism or lost faith. Instead of the original’s two fully-formed exorcists (aged and battle-weary Father Merrin and the nearly faithless Father Karras), this film’s Father Karras conflates them both, offering us half a character in the process. Gone is Karras’ struggle over losing his mother. Gone is the creepy, beautiful prologue in Iraq. The character (dutifully played by a clearly slumming Michael Shannon) simply appears halfway through the film like some kind of Catholic John Constantine. We know he’s troubled merely because he looks like Michael Shannon.
Here’s how the film works: The first half blatantly rips off the Paranormal Activity franchise. After noticing bizarre changes in her behavior, single mother Chris MacNeil (Jessica Alba) begins videotaping her daughter, Regan (Elle Fanning), while she sleeps. Meanwhile, the film delivers its exposition via taped interviews between Chris, Regan, and a child therapist (Modern Family’s Ty Burrell). These scenes deliver exactly what we’ve come to expect from this genre. If barely visible sh*t floating by the corner of the screen still scares you, you might find bits to like here.
Once it’s clear to everyone that Regan’s possessed and not just an asshole, the child psychologist calls in Father Karras. The film shifts completely at this point thanks the to the Vatican-funded film crew following Karras around. Now, instead of boring static security footage, we switch to full color, high quality shaky cam. The change jars, but also artificially extends the film’s watchability. For a minute or two.
The film’s PG-13 rating keeps Regan’s verbal acrobatics tied down and bland. And crotch-stabbing is obviously out of the question. Instead, Wiseman relies heavily on CG distortions of her face along with a pronounced dependance on body contortion gags. If you liked the “Spiderwalk” scene from the original (or a version of the original, anyway), be prepared to get tired of it here. Regan spiderwalks so much in this film, she might as well change her last name to Parker and start fighting crime. Admittedly, the effect is a tad interesting through a found footage lens, but it soon wears out its welcome with a scene in which she spiderskateboards.
She also throws up everywhere, on everything and everybody. Thanks to the power of CG, Regan’s vomit looks like a blast from a fire hose filled with shiny Apple-flavored Gushers™ filling. Worst are the many, many, many instances where Regan spiderwalks and vomits at the same time. If Michael Shannon isn’t wiping vomit off his face in this film, that’s only because he’s too busy slipping in it like he’s walking on banana peels.
The film’s biggest problem, however, is its bizarre and sure to be controversial conclusion. I’m about to discuss the film’s ending, so those who wish to go in unspoiled should turn back now.
*spoilers*
Like the original, the film ends with Father Karras inviting the demon, Pazuzu, into his body as a last ditch effort spare Regan’s life. But instead of using his rekindled faith to overpower Pazuzu and jump out of a window, Karras suddenly finds himself in a flaming CG Hell where he must fight a flaming CG Pazuzu with a flaming CG sword. Aided by Spawn, Karras defeats Pazuzu but only after sustaining injuries himself. At the last moment, an angelic form of Regan appears and gracefully carries him back to our realm where he awakens unharmed. Karras and Regan’s mom fall in love, and everyone lives happily ever after.
So this is a problematic departure from the original, to say nothing of the film’s sudden abandonment of its found footage aesthetic for a full-on action movie brawl in Hell which features the inexplicable appearance of a largely forgotten comic book character. On the other hand, while certainly stupid beyond belief, this might be the film’s best scene from a “so bad it’s good” perspective. For those who enjoy films of legitimate worth, however, this scene encapsulates the abject awfulness of Len Wiseman’s remake. If were were to exorcise all the offensive stuff, there’d be nothing left, save a tiny scrap of accidental camp.
Rating: One Flying Car, Three Hoverboards, and Two Taco Bell Big Macs
Editorials
‘Immaculate’ – A Companion Watch Guide to the Religious Horror Movie and Its Cinematic Influences
The religious horror movie Immaculate, starring Sydney Sweeney and directed by Michael Mohan, wears its horror influences on its sleeves. NEON’s new horror movie is now available on Digital and PVOD, making it easier to catch up with the buzzy title. If you’ve already seen Immaculate, this companion watch guide highlights horror movies to pair with it.
Sweeney stars in Immaculate as Cecilia, a woman of devout faith who is offered a fulfilling new role at an illustrious Italian convent. Cecilia’s warm welcome to the picture-perfect Italian countryside gets derailed soon enough when she discovers she’s become pregnant and realizes the convent harbors disturbing secrets.
From Will Bates’ gothic score to the filming locations and even shot compositions, Immaculate owes a lot to its cinematic influences. Mohan pulls from more than just religious horror, though. While Immaculate pays tribute to the classics, the horror movie surprises for the way it leans so heavily into Italian horror and New French Extremity. Let’s dig into many of the film’s most prominent horror influences with a companion watch guide.
Warning: Immaculate spoilers ahead.
Rosemary’s Baby
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The mother of all pregnancy horror movies introduces Rosemary Woodhouse (Mia Farrow), an eager-to-please housewife who’s supportive of her husband, Guy, and thrilled he landed them a spot in the coveted Bramford apartment building. Guy proposes a romantic evening, which gives way to a hallucinogenic nightmare scenario that leaves Rosemary confused and pregnant. Rosemary’s suspicions and paranoia mount as she’s gaslit by everyone around her, all attempting to distract her from her deeply abnormal pregnancy. While Cecilia follows a similar emotional journey to Rosemary, from the confusion over her baby’s conception to being gaslit by those who claim to have her best interests in mind, Immaculate inverts the iconic final frame of Rosemary’s Baby to great effect.
The Exorcist
William Friedkin’s horror classic shook audiences to their core upon release in the ’70s, largely for its shocking imagery. A grim battle over faith is waged between demon Pazuzu and priests Damien Karras (Jason Miller) and Lankester Merrin (Max von Sydow). The battleground happens to be a 12-year-old, Regan MacNeil (Linda Blair), whose possessed form commits blasphemy often, including violently masturbating with a crucifix. Yet Friedkin captures the horrifying events with stunning cinematography; the emotional complexity and shot composition lend elegance to a film that counterbalances the horror. That balance between transgressive imagery and artful form permeates Immaculate as well.
Suspiria
Jessica Harper stars as Suzy Bannion, an American newcomer at a prestigious dance academy in Germany who uncovers a supernatural conspiracy amid a series of grisly murders. It’s a dance academy so disciplined in its art form that its students and faculty live their full time, spending nearly every waking hour there, including built-in meals and scheduled bedtimes. Like Suzy Bannion, Cecilia is a novitiate committed to learning her chosen trade, so much so that she travels to a foreign country to continue her training. Also, like Suzy, Cecilia quickly realizes the pristine façade of her new setting belies sinister secrets that mean her harm.
What Have You Done to Solange?
This 1972 Italian horror film follows a college professor who gets embroiled in a bizarre series of murders when his mistress, a student, witnesses one taking place. The professor starts his own investigation to discover what happened to the young woman, Solange. Sex, murder, and religion course through this Giallo’s veins, which features I Spit on Your Grave’s Camille Keaton as Solange. Immaculate director Michael Mohan revealed to The Wrap that he emulated director Massimo Dallamano’s techniques, particularly in a key scene that sees Cecilia alone in a crowded room of male superiors, all interrogating her on her immaculate status.
The Red Queen Kills Seven Times
In this Giallo, two sisters inherit their family’s castle that’s also cursed. When a dark-haired, red-robed woman begins killing people around them, the sisters begin to wonder if the castle’s mysterious curse has resurfaced. Director Emilio Miraglia infuses his Giallo with vibrant style, with the titular Red Queen instantly eye-catching in design. While the killer’s design and use of red no doubt played an influential role in some of Immaculate’s nightmare imagery, its biggest inspiration in Mohan’s film is its score. Immaculate pays tribute to The Red Queen Kills Seven Times through specific music cues.
The Vanishing
Rex’s life is irrevocably changed when the love of his life is abducted from a rest stop. Three years later, he begins receiving letters from his girlfriend’s abductor. Director George Sluizer infuses his simple premise with bone-chilling dread and psychological terror as the kidnapper toys with Red. It builds to a harrowing finale you won’t forget; and neither did Mohan, who cited The Vanishing as an influence on Immaculate. Likely for its surprise closing moments, but mostly for the way Sluizer filmed from inside a coffin.
The Other Hell
This nunsploitation film begins where Immaculate ends: in the catacombs of a convent that leads to an underground laboratory. The Other Hell sees a priest investigating the seemingly paranormal activity surrounding the convent as possessed nuns get violent toward others. But is this a case of the Devil or simply nuns run amok? Immaculate opts to ground its horrors in reality, where The Other Hell leans into the supernatural, but the surprise lab setting beneath the holy grounds evokes the same sense of blasphemous shock.
Inside
During Immaculate‘s freakout climax, Cecilia sets the underground lab on fire with Father Sal Tedeschi (Álvaro Morte) locked inside. He manages to escape, though badly burned, and chases Cecilia through the catacombs. When Father Tedeschi catches Cecilia, he attempts to cut her baby out of her womb, and the stark imagery instantly calls Alexandre Bustillo and Julien Maury’s seminal French horror movie to mind. Like Tedeschi, Inside’s La Femme (Béatrice Dalle) will stop at nothing to get the baby, badly burned and all.
Burial Ground
At first glance, this Italian zombie movie bears little resemblance to Immaculate. The plot sees an eclectic group forced to band together against a wave of undead, offering no shortage of zombie gore and wild character quirks. What connects them is the setting; both employed the Villa Parisi as a filming location. The Villa Parisi happens to be a prominent filming spot for Italian horror; also pair the new horror movie with Mario Bava’s A Bay of Blood or Blood for Dracula for additional boundary-pushing horror titles shot at the Villa Parisi.
The Devils
The Devils was always intended to be incendiary. Horror, at its most depraved and sadistic, tends to make casual viewers uncomfortable. Ken Russell’s 1971 epic takes it to a whole new squeamish level with its nightmarish visuals steeped in some historical accuracy. There are the horror classics, like The Exorcist, and there are definitive transgressive horror cult classics. The Devils falls squarely in the latter, and Russell’s fearlessness in exploring taboos and wielding unholy imagery inspired Mohan’s approach to the escalating horror in Immaculate.
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