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Coming Out Screaming: How a Gay Man Found Acceptance Through Horror

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Scream 4 Gay

Nearly two years ago, I read this article by Buzzfeed Senior Editor Louis Peitzman and it resonated with me in a very big way. Not only do I feel like it could have been written by me (if I were a better and more eloquent writer), but it rings true in so many ways. I am a 26-year-old gay man who is an unabashed fan of horror movies. Since today is Harvey Milk Day, I thought it might be entertaining/interesting to discuss homosexuality in relation to the horror genre. I expect there will be a wide variety of comments and opinions on this, and I’m intrigued to read most of them (bigots and homophobes need not apply). I have no idea how many BD readers are LGBTQ or Allies, but I hope all of you get something out of this post. For those of you that this post describes, this is essentially an extended thank-you note to all of you. This will be a particularly personal piece for me, so here it goes.

My History

I won’t go into too many details of my experiences growing up gay, but I will say that I was bullied a lot in elementary and middle school. High school wasn’t as bad only because I hid in the confines of my high school’s theater department. I actually made real friends there who knew that I was gay. I tended to stay away from anyone not in that group,

I’ve always loved horror, as I have mentioned before, but I was never really part of a horror community. Other than my dad, I could never talk about horror films with anyone because no one I knew ever had a passion for the genre like I did. It wasn’t until college that I would find other people like myself. I should clarify that when I say “like myself” I mean that I found other gay people and other horror fans, but other than one or two friends I made, none of those people were both gay and fans of horror.

I suppose I never really fit into what I would call a “typical gay” lifestyle. It’s difficult to explain what I mean by that phrase, but I guess rather than use the word “typical” some might use the word “stereotypical.” No offense or condescension intended, I just felt that while I was gay, I never felt like I belonged in any circle of gay people that I knew, because none of us shared many mutual interests. It didn’t help that I didn’t really know anyone, gay or straight, who was as into horror as I was.

My Prejudice

About a year ago, I found a group called the Austin Horror Society and I joined their Facebook group. After deciding to go to one of their monthly meetings at a local bar here in Austin, I arrived to see what many people would call “stereotypical horror fans.” Basically, they looked like the Goth kids from South Park. I am ashamed to say that I did not join them for a drink. I bought my own drink and stared at them from across the room debating whether or not to walk up and introduce myself. I did not do that. I left. That is something I am not proud of and still regret to this day. I judged a group of people based on how they looked and it made me miss out on an amazing opportunity. It should be known that I have met some members of the Austin Horror Society since that day and each one has been a lovely person. Lesson learned.

That judgment is something many people feel when you tell them that you are really into horror. I may not look like a stereotypical horror fan, but I most definitely am. I work a second job in an industry that is full of people who are not horror fans whatsoever. It’s awkward telling someone who doesn’t get horror that you are a horror fanatic, which I’m sure most of you know. As Peitzman mentioned in his article, it’s sort of like coming out again. Being gay and a fan of horror is very much like having two strikes against you. Though when I meet people, I introduce myself as “Hi! I’m Trace and I love horror movies!” as opposed to “Hi! I’m Trace and I’m gay.” It still still feels like I’m admitting the same thing.

Where I Am Now

Since I started writing for Bloody-Disgusting six months ago, I have come across a very wide variety of horror fans, and I have become very surprised by how many of them are gay. Because of the nature of my job, I’ve become more active on Twitter and other forms of social media. I’ve gone to various press events and horror conventions. Earlier this month, I attended Texas Frightmare Weekend and was incredibly surprised by how many gay people (male and female both) were in attendance (seriously, it was like a Gay Horror Convention this year).

My point in writing this post is to highlight this sub-culture of gay horror fans. I felt isolated for most of my life because I didn’t completely feel like I fit in with any particular group. Because of my position writing for BD I’ve been introduced to so many people I have things in common with. This isn’t to say I’ve never had gay friends or friends who weren’t into horror movies. I have and still do, but there’s just something different about discovering people who share two of the biggest parts of your life in common with you.

Nothing in this post is meant to be exclusionary. The last intention I have is to give the impression that I think gay horror fans are better than straight ones (or that I like them more). I just want to pay respect to those people that made me feel fully accepted and like I was actually a part of a group where I belonged, if that makes any sense. So thank you all for giving me that experience. Discovering new people and conversing with them over the things we are most passionate about is my absolute favorite part of this job and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Discussion

Everything I have written here is the reason why I always try to respond to as many comments as I can on my posts, be they positive or negative. I know there is a lot of negativity (and trolls) out there on the internet, but the positive feedback and constructive criticism really help to push through all of that. Because I spent so long looking for belonging and acceptance, I try to promote healthy discussion on all of my posts, as I don’t really see how trolling/slinging hateful comments does anyone any good (though I’m prepared for the worst in the comments section on this particular post). We are a community of horror fans and, while disagreeing is good, should always support each other.

So I’d like to open this up for discussion in the comments. I found my niche in gay horror fans, but what about you? Is there another niche of horror fans that you feel like you’re a part of? Much discussion could be made over this and I think it’s a fascinating subject. Us horror fans are already kind of ostracized by “normal” people, so let me know if there was ever a moment in the horror community were you felt like you belonged for the first time!

A journalist for Bloody Disgusting since 2015, Trace writes film reviews and editorials, as well as co-hosts Bloody Disgusting's Horror Queers podcast, which looks at horror films through a queer lens. He has since become dedicated to amplifying queer voices in the horror community, while also injecting his own personal flair into film discourse. Trace lives in Denver, CO with his husband and their two dogs. Find him on Twitter @TracedThurman

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Editorials

Forgotten ’80s Satanic Panic Horror Gem ‘The Kiss’ Is Worth Rediscovering

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Joanna Pacula is Felice Dunbar in The Kiss

Horror was thriving so well in the 1980s that movies like Pen Densham’s The Kiss (1988) would understandably get lost in the shuffle, only to then gain their fans later on in life. Even still, this one Canadian-American curio has had a more challenging time than others, as far as contemporary reevaluations go, which is very likely due to the movie’s limited availability—at least as of this write-up.

However, the scarceness of The Kiss, while a bit annoying, makes it like catnip for ‘80s horror completists everywhere. Hopefully, a lot of them will walk away satisfied after watching this hidden gem.

Even though The Kiss was intended as the first of several horror collaborations between Astral Pictures and TriStar, as well as the first feature produced by Densham, Richard B. Lewis and John Watson’s Trilogy Entertainment Group, it ended up being the only one produced from that former union. Once the movie was released, TriStar’s distribution jitters—they opted for a regional rollout—did the $6-million flick no favors. TriStar’s cold feet toward horror releases have been well noted, but The Kiss still did a tad better than Night of the Creeps (1986), another genre outing that flopped due to its regional opening.

Shot in Montreal, but set in Albany, New York, The Kiss—which was still called The Host just a few months before its October premiere—concerns an average middle-class family and their forthcoming situation. The uncanny problem in store for them was, in fact, set in motion some years earlier. As that hot and dusty flashback to the Belgian Congo shows, a familial curse was set upon the two Dunbar sisters well before Meredith Salenger’s teenage character was born.

the kiss

Meredith Salenger, Nicholas Kilbertus and Mimi Kuzyk in The Kiss

The Kiss, which was based on a story by co-writer Stephen Volk (Ghostwatch) and penned by both Volk and Tom Ropelewski, has the outward appearance of The Stepfather (1987). This movie, though, is anything but a gender-flipped retread of that classic domestic disturber. For starters, The Kiss is far less grounded in reality—that much is clear from its unsettling opening scene. There, a trusting girl (Priscilla Mouzakiotis) is the victim of her own deceptive aunt (Céline Lomez); the movie’s titular act, and the story’s first shock, becomes the means of transferring an ancient evil from one host to another.

In the present day, Salenger’s role of Amy Halloran, a religious schoolgirl, is dealt a harsh blow in life once her mother, Hilary Halloran née Dunbar (Pamela Collyer), suddenly dies in a freak accident. But rather than a complete stranger sweeping the Halloran widower (Nicholas Kilbertus) off his feet some months later, Joanna Pacula’s character is that chosen temptress. Here, Pacula plays the grown-up version of the afflicted girl last seen in the movie’s opener. Since Amy’s mother is insistent about there being no reunion between estranged sisters, and she even contemplates buying a gun shortly before her tragic demise, it’s presumable that Aunt Felice poses a threat to her family.

The Kiss isn’t a movie ever too concerned about its own predictability. The audience is indeed often one step ahead of the story here, but also keep in mind how every one of those steps is loud. Take, for instance, the death of Amy’s mother; the Halloran matriarch goes out in garish, gruesome fashion, as a supernaturally commandeered truck sends Collyer’s character through a store window first, then leaves her one leg short. The directorial enthusiasm truly comes out in horrific moments such as these.

The Kiss is always sure to revel in its characters’ ills and misfortunes. So if the plot doesn’t impress, then its lurid parts should. Amy’s mother’s exit scene was proof of an eager, first-time horror director proving his worth. Then, bestie Heather (Sabrina Boudot) survives to tell the tale of a bizarre escalator mishap that, despite showing relatively less gore, spikes viewers’ empathy meter. The wilder bits of this movie, however, commence with that inevitable hookup between Felice and Amy’s bewitched father; their kitchen coitus is paralleled by Amy’s feverish classroom terror. The outcome there is a disquieting cross-cut of sex magic and a young woman’s menstrual onset plus hallucinations.

Sabrina Boudot in The Kiss

From foam appliances to bladders, that parade of special effects in The Kiss casts its own spell on the audience. Felice’s familiar, a visibly malevolent cat, was realized here with several models, some more articulate than others. Admittedly, the demon cat’s not as convincing as most of the effects here, but accepting that artifice, as opposed to fighting it, will make the whole experience way more enjoyable. As for the makeup used to manifest Felice’s inner villainy, it is more minimal and subtle than one might like; yet the work done to turn Pacula into an antithesis of herself is nonetheless compelling.

The otherworldly perils and dreadful goings-on wouldn’t work half as well as they do in The Kiss without the story’s contrast effect. Finding frights in picturesque, extremely ordinary settings was something that took off in the ‘80s, thanks to that sweeping shift to locales like the suburbs. And Amy’s home, a replica of a real Montreal suburban house, is the ideal battleground for any proper good-versus-evil story. It’s also prime real estate for this movie’s satanic panic-inspired horrors.

Because of their ostensibly similar plots, The Kiss has been compared to The Exorcist (1973). Except in Densham’s movie, the sinister, non-Christian entity targeting a teen girl lies within something less apparent and, perhaps, more devastating upon its exposure. To an outsider, Pacula’s Aunt Felice is too beautiful and unobjectionable to ever suspect of being a monster. More suspicious is how quickly she rips into the fabric of the Halloran home. Felice’s mere presence upsets the “texture of family life,” according to the director.

the kiss

The demon cat in The Kiss

Taking out Amy’s mother and best friend, and distracting her father, would suggest The Kiss is playing by a different set of rules. It is initially leaving its adolescent target unsupported in a rather grim scenario. In contrast, though, this story offers up a surrogate parent who does her best to fill in the holes of Amy’s eroding home life. Mimi Kuzyk does good work as that family friend and doctor, Brenda, who guides the lost child without also steering her in any one direction; she is naturally skeptical of Amy’s accusations until it’s almost too late to do anything about them. So although The Kiss does an admirable job of undoing the main character’s support system, it never leaves her without a lifeline. This dark movie, in spite of everything that’s transpired, doesn’t deprive itself of light and hope.

The Kiss is a potent mélange of familiar ideas. If not for the director’s surprise flair for horror, though, the movie would have been less effective. What a shame that Pen Densham didn’t continue with the genre. As for Joanna Pacula, she is, too, owed credit as the wicked vixen opposite Meredith Salenger’s pitiable Amy; she never fails to be unsettling in her role. Pacula makes Aunt Felice a sexy yet intimidating character.

For horror that steadily doles out madness and menace, while also delivering a flashy and ghastly conclusion, The Kiss is certain to please. Yes, it’s cheesy all the way, but most favorably, everyone involved plays everything straight. That kind of commitment goes a long way with this movie.

The Kiss

The Kiss

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