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Coming Out Screaming: How a Gay Man Found Acceptance Through Horror

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Scream 4 Gay

Nearly two years ago, I read this article by Buzzfeed Senior Editor Louis Peitzman and it resonated with me in a very big way. Not only do I feel like it could have been written by me (if I were a better and more eloquent writer), but it rings true in so many ways. I am a 26-year-old gay man who is an unabashed fan of horror movies. Since today is Harvey Milk Day, I thought it might be entertaining/interesting to discuss homosexuality in relation to the horror genre. I expect there will be a wide variety of comments and opinions on this, and I’m intrigued to read most of them (bigots and homophobes need not apply). I have no idea how many BD readers are LGBTQ or Allies, but I hope all of you get something out of this post. For those of you that this post describes, this is essentially an extended thank-you note to all of you. This will be a particularly personal piece for me, so here it goes.

My History

I won’t go into too many details of my experiences growing up gay, but I will say that I was bullied a lot in elementary and middle school. High school wasn’t as bad only because I hid in the confines of my high school’s theater department. I actually made real friends there who knew that I was gay. I tended to stay away from anyone not in that group,

I’ve always loved horror, as I have mentioned before, but I was never really part of a horror community. Other than my dad, I could never talk about horror films with anyone because no one I knew ever had a passion for the genre like I did. It wasn’t until college that I would find other people like myself. I should clarify that when I say “like myself” I mean that I found other gay people and other horror fans, but other than one or two friends I made, none of those people were both gay and fans of horror.

I suppose I never really fit into what I would call a “typical gay” lifestyle. It’s difficult to explain what I mean by that phrase, but I guess rather than use the word “typical” some might use the word “stereotypical.” No offense or condescension intended, I just felt that while I was gay, I never felt like I belonged in any circle of gay people that I knew, because none of us shared many mutual interests. It didn’t help that I didn’t really know anyone, gay or straight, who was as into horror as I was.

My Prejudice

About a year ago, I found a group called the Austin Horror Society and I joined their Facebook group. After deciding to go to one of their monthly meetings at a local bar here in Austin, I arrived to see what many people would call “stereotypical horror fans.” Basically, they looked like the Goth kids from South Park. I am ashamed to say that I did not join them for a drink. I bought my own drink and stared at them from across the room debating whether or not to walk up and introduce myself. I did not do that. I left. That is something I am not proud of and still regret to this day. I judged a group of people based on how they looked and it made me miss out on an amazing opportunity. It should be known that I have met some members of the Austin Horror Society since that day and each one has been a lovely person. Lesson learned.

That judgment is something many people feel when you tell them that you are really into horror. I may not look like a stereotypical horror fan, but I most definitely am. I work a second job in an industry that is full of people who are not horror fans whatsoever. It’s awkward telling someone who doesn’t get horror that you are a horror fanatic, which I’m sure most of you know. As Peitzman mentioned in his article, it’s sort of like coming out again. Being gay and a fan of horror is very much like having two strikes against you. Though when I meet people, I introduce myself as “Hi! I’m Trace and I love horror movies!” as opposed to “Hi! I’m Trace and I’m gay.” It still still feels like I’m admitting the same thing.

Where I Am Now

Since I started writing for Bloody-Disgusting six months ago, I have come across a very wide variety of horror fans, and I have become very surprised by how many of them are gay. Because of the nature of my job, I’ve become more active on Twitter and other forms of social media. I’ve gone to various press events and horror conventions. Earlier this month, I attended Texas Frightmare Weekend and was incredibly surprised by how many gay people (male and female both) were in attendance (seriously, it was like a Gay Horror Convention this year).

My point in writing this post is to highlight this sub-culture of gay horror fans. I felt isolated for most of my life because I didn’t completely feel like I fit in with any particular group. Because of my position writing for BD I’ve been introduced to so many people I have things in common with. This isn’t to say I’ve never had gay friends or friends who weren’t into horror movies. I have and still do, but there’s just something different about discovering people who share two of the biggest parts of your life in common with you.

Nothing in this post is meant to be exclusionary. The last intention I have is to give the impression that I think gay horror fans are better than straight ones (or that I like them more). I just want to pay respect to those people that made me feel fully accepted and like I was actually a part of a group where I belonged, if that makes any sense. So thank you all for giving me that experience. Discovering new people and conversing with them over the things we are most passionate about is my absolute favorite part of this job and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Discussion

Everything I have written here is the reason why I always try to respond to as many comments as I can on my posts, be they positive or negative. I know there is a lot of negativity (and trolls) out there on the internet, but the positive feedback and constructive criticism really help to push through all of that. Because I spent so long looking for belonging and acceptance, I try to promote healthy discussion on all of my posts, as I don’t really see how trolling/slinging hateful comments does anyone any good (though I’m prepared for the worst in the comments section on this particular post). We are a community of horror fans and, while disagreeing is good, should always support each other.

So I’d like to open this up for discussion in the comments. I found my niche in gay horror fans, but what about you? Is there another niche of horror fans that you feel like you’re a part of? Much discussion could be made over this and I think it’s a fascinating subject. Us horror fans are already kind of ostracized by “normal” people, so let me know if there was ever a moment in the horror community were you felt like you belonged for the first time!

A journalist for Bloody Disgusting since 2015, Trace writes film reviews and editorials, as well as co-hosts Bloody Disgusting's Horror Queers podcast, which looks at horror films through a queer lens. He has since become dedicated to amplifying queer voices in the horror community, while also injecting his own personal flair into film discourse. Trace lives in Denver, CO with his husband and their two dogs. Find him on Twitter @TracedThurman

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Editorials

Before ‘The Blair Witch Project’, ‘Alien Autopsy’ Showed How Real Found Footage Could Feel

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Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction

The line separating artist from con man is a lot thinner than you might initially believe. While I think we can all agree that lying for the sake of profit is actively malicious behavior, isn’t it also true that the faux documentary aspect of The Blair Witch Project is half the reason why that film became such a cultural phenomenon? After all, if there’s one thing filmmakers have in common with stage magicians, it’s that misleading and misdirecting audiences is simply part of the job.

That’s why I’ve developed a habit of mostly ignoring the moral quandaries behind many of film and television’s biggest “hoaxes” in favor of appreciating the narrative elements that drive productions like Mermaids: The Body Found and even Animal Planet’s highly underrated The Cannibal in the Jungle. However, if there’s a definitive case of a highly publicized broadcast fooling the world into taking it seriously, it has to be Fox’s infamous 1995 TV special Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction.

It’s been over three decades since that eerie footage first haunted television screens right at the peak of the ’90s ufology craze, and in that time, the video has taken on a life of its own. From countless parodies and references in everything from The X-Files to Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater (as well as John Dower’s recently released tell-all documentary The Alien Autopsy Scandal, which I’d highly recommend to genre fans everywhere), there’s no denying the legacy of the Alien Autopsy video. However, I rarely see the tape discussed as what it truly is: a highly convincing found footage film directed by a passionate stage magician and brought to life by masterful practical effects work.

That’s why I’d like to invite readers to join me on a deep dive into one of the most infamous broadcasts of all time in an attempt to reevaluate the footage as a fascinating narrative experience rather than a complete hoax.

The TV Special That Convinced Millions It Was Real

Ray Santilli next to Extraterrestrial replica in ‘The Alien Autopsy Scandal’

For starters, regardless of whether or not you believe that there was in fact an extraterrestrial crash in Roswell during the summer of 1947 and that some form of autopsy was performed on the victims, the producers behind the black & white recordings, Ray Santilli and Gary Shoefield, insist that their video was a “restoration.” Though I’d argue that the proper word is “remake”of genuine footage that was too damaged to air on television. That’s why the duo went on to recruit filmmaker and eccentric magician Spyros Melaris and sculptor/monster designer John Humphreys to bring their version of the autopsy to life and sell it to the highest bidder.

This is where the story of the Alien Autopsy as a narrative experience really begins. Melaris claims that his approach to the faux recording consisted of striving for extreme period accuracy in both shooting equipment and setting while also planting subtle details that would initially seem like mistakes but could later be revealed to actually fit the time period. That being said, the filmmaker was under the impression that the short would be released for free as a PR stunt, with the team later producing and selling an informative documentary chronicling exactly how the footage was faked and commenting on how easy it is to manipulate public perception with a good old-fashioned magic trick.

This obviously isn’t how things went down, and that’s likely the reason why Melaris has since distanced himself from everyone else involved with the project. Yet, no amount of behind-the-scenes drama can undermine the genuine effort that went into making the short as impressive as it is. From the sourcing of real animal organs from a local butcher to make the organic part of the creature more lifelike to the highly detailed sculpt that made use of a hollowed-out underlayer that could be filled with fake blood and assorted viscera, there’s a reason why so many Hollywood specialists are still impressed with the artistry on display here.

Of course, the believability is only half the story, as I think that the best part of the autopsy is how Melaris builds on the existing tension by obscuring certain details and often embracing the chaos of what a real examination of extraterrestrial life could feel like. The camera often goes out of focus at just the right time to make certain effects hit even harder, and we can only speculate as to what the hazmat-suited doctors are gesticulating about during the operation. There’s a real air of mystery to the whole thing that almost makes it feel like a cosmically terrifying, cursed film containing forbidden knowledge that civilians were never meant to see.

So when Fox’s Fact or Fiction brings in the specialists to comment on the film and its otherworldly subject, it’s no surprise that we end up with one of the most memorable mockumentaries of all time – albeit one where the participants are unaware that the footage they’re commenting on is basically a large-scale practical joke. A joke that the network was obviously in on, as many participants claim that the TV special cut out significant portions where guests point out that they believe the footage to be an elaborate hoax.

The Lasting Impact of the Hoax Turned Cultural Event

Regardless, I remember going to bed terrified after watching reruns of the special and thinking about the respected pathologist who claimed that the body was almost certainly inhuman, with even effects maestro Stan Winston commenting on how difficult it would be to recreate some of these visuals through practical puppetry. That’s not even mentioning Jonathan Frakes’ dramatic hyping up of the disturbing imagery as if he was talking about the tape from The Ring, with his spooky demeanor here likely being responsible for his later role as the host of Beyond Belief: Fact or Fiction a few years later.

Personally, I’d argue that the Alien Autopsy phenomenon had just as much of an impact on me as a horror fan as The Blair Witch Project, a film that was almost certainly influenced by the success of this immensely popular hoax (to the point where they even produced their own TV special commenting on Heather’s found footage). Even if Fox didn’t intend to produce a narrative feature about the aftermath of the Roswell crash, the end product still holds up remarkably well as a highly entertaining mockumentary exploring the idea that we may not be alone in the universe.

While neither Santilli nor the rest of the production team has ever commented on this, I also think it’s very likely that the idea of a faux Alien Autopsy could have been influenced by Dean Alioto’s The McPherson Tape/UFO Abduction. I’ve already written about how this granddaddy of found footage was co-opted by rogue ufologists who began selling bootlegs of the tape at conventions as if it were real evidence of a close encounter, so it’s not that much of a stretch to imagine that Santilli and company could have heard about this phenomenon and been inspired to come up with their own highly profitable hoax.

At the end of the day, it’s unlikely that the Alien Autopsy film is recreating any real footage from Roswell, but I can still appreciate the short and the accompanying television event as a standalone horror story that still influences the way we see found footage to this very day.

After all, the possibility that something could be real is often much scarier than finding out for sure – and that’s why I think Alien Autopsy: Fact or Fiction is still worth revisiting three decades down the line.

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