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The 7 Spookiest Video Game Ghost Ships

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If nautical nonsense is something ye wish, the last six months of ghostly games have likely sent your timbers a-shiverin’. 

Sorry if that lede was a little confusing. That’s pirate speak for: wow, a lot of games with haunted ships have come out lately! Earlier this year, after seeing it near the top of a few 2018 GOTY lists, I picked up The Return of the Obra Dinn, a lo-fi black-and-white detective game that casts the player as an insurance adjuster uncovering the fates of the 60 people missing from a ship that drifts, empty, into harbor.

Then, last month, I reviewed Close to the Sun and Layers of Fear 2, a pair of first-person narrative games that take place on ocean liners beset by paranormal weirdness. If we count spaceships as ships (and I’m open to the idea, just not for this list), Void Bastards — the System Shock 2-inspired roguelite with a comic book aesthetic from Blue Manchu— also tasks players with venturing onto drifting vessels where deranged aliens haunt the halls. 

And, later in 2019, the creators of Until Dawn — that excellent ‘90s-horror-movie-meets-Telltale-game from Supermassive Games — are launching their Dark Pictures Anthology series with the choice-driven, ghost ship-set Man of Medan.

In short, we’re in the midst of a Flying Dutchmenaissance.

So, I set sail through gaming history with plenty of rum and restless spirits to spare in search of the best virtual ghost ships to ever haunt the seven seas. And, in my travels, I met weary wanderers, white-haired monster hunters, dead stowaways and a dude named LeChuck. 

Note: Throughout this list, my definition of “ghost ship” includes any seafaring vessel inhabited by a paranormal spirit, being or creature. 

7. Wrecked Ship, Resident Evil VII


While not necessarily bad, this section — which moves the player from the terrifying Baker manor to an abandoned boat, and abandons inventory management in favor of guns-a-blazin’ zombie slaying — is a weak point in an otherwise stellar game. 

6. LeChuck’s Ghost Ship, The Secret of Monkey Island


Mortal Guybrush Threepwood becomes invisible when he boards the dead pirate captain LeChuck’s ghost ship. Ghostly in inky blue, the undead crew dance to a lively violin jig on the deck, while LeChuck broods in his cabin. It’s a well-realized, if underutilized, setting. Bonus points for ghost pigs.

5. The Ocean Liner, Layers of Fear 2


The first Layers of Fear tasked the player with exploring a spooky house whose walls shifted around you. Bloober Team’s first-person horror sequel retains the transient level design but moves the action to an ocean liner haunted by a shimmering monster and a horde of mannequins. While the constantly changing environment makes for effective horror, it results in a less impactful setting. The cruise ship is compelling to explore — until, that is, you realize that you’ll never actually be free to explore it.

4. HMS Prince, Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag


One of five legendary ships the player has the option to confront in Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag, the HMS Prince flies black sails and conceals itself within a ghostly fog. I say, “conceals itself” because the ship has no visible crew, a fact which spooks the crew of the Jackdaw. The legendary ship battles are one of the high points of this fan favorite Assassin’s Creed game; roving, raucous boss fights that push the player to use the full extent of the naval weaponry at their disposal. This one is just as exciting as the other four — with its hide-and-seek amid the fog and smoke and raining mortar — and helps to encapsulate the eerie mystery of the sea during the Golden Age of Pirates.

3. The Maw, Little Nightmares


While Little Nightmare’s little-kid-in-a-scary-world aesthetic earned it unfavorable comparisons to Playdead’s Inside, Tarsier’s puzzle-platformer differentiated itself with its dark, creaking setting: The Maw, a haunted, hulking ocean liner. As Six, a tiny child in a yellow rain poncho, you sneak past cannibalistic chefs, gluttonous guests and a janitor with arms like Mr. Fantastic, but if Mr. Fantastic was a mummified Freddy Krueger. A trilogy of DLC expansions fleshed out the setting further, giving glimpses of a cavernous boiler room and more.

2. The Obra Dinn, The Return of the Obra Dinn


After completing The Return of the Obra Dinn you will know its titular abandoned ship like the back of your one-bit hands. Each curve and crevice hides a secret that the protagonist — an insurance adjuster investigating the ship to discover what happened to its 60 dead or missing crew members on its mysterious voyage — must suss out using a magical compass and an ordinary notebook. The Return of the Obra Dinn eschews obscure video game logic and asks the player to use their powers of observation to solve its puzzles. And, ahoy me hearties, it is satisfying to hear the telltale ding when you lock a trio of identities into place.

1. The Last Wish, The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt


The Witcher games existing in the same timeline as Andrzej Sapkowski’s books have rarely paid off as well as it does in this climactic side quest from The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt.

*SPOILERS FOR THE WITCHER 3 (AND “THE LAST WISH” SHORT STORY) BELOW*

The titular story in the first book of the Witcher saga, The Last Wish, tells the story of when Geralt met Yennefer while combating a djinn. After a combative start to their relationship, Geralt made a wish that forever bound the two together. In the story’s namesake quest, Yennefer asks Geralt to help her track down a different genie that was released after the man who tamed it disappeared. The witcher obliges, and the two soon find the man’s boat at the bottom of a nearby harbor — but half the ship is missing. Yennefer says that the crater surrounding the boat suggests that the other half was teleported elsewhere. In the wreckage, you find a seal, cracked in two. Yennefer uses the seal to summon a portal to the other half. Geralt and Yen soon find themselves on a snowy mountaintop, where the other half of the ship has come to rest. Geralt asks Yennefer why she’s intent on finding this djinn, and she responds that she wants to reverse Geralt’s wish; she needs to know if “magic” exists between them with the spell removed. The pair enter the ship, locate the other half of the seal and dispatch the djinn. Yen makes her wish.

The quest culminates with the pair sitting on the side of the ship, perched high in the mountains. With the spell removed, Yen asks Geralt if he still has feelings for her. As the player, you get to choose to break things off with Yennefer here or let her know that you love her.

It’s an incredibly important moment that, if you fancy Yennefer, serves as the culmination of one of the game’s most potent narrative threads. While haunted ships are frequently used to isolate the player at sea, this spooky boat brought two characters together. It marks the spot where Geralt and Yennefer finally commit to each other after a years-long on again, off again relationship (or, you know, don’t, if you prefer Triss). 

I dub it the Best Video Game Ghost Ship.

Did I miss anything? Mad that the winner is romantic instead of spooky? Peeved that I included skeletons, creepy mannequins and a janitor on this list? Let me know in the comments below.

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Editorials

Not Another ‘Scary Movie’: Revisiting Forgotten Parody ‘Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th’

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Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th

After Scream (1996) made a killing at the box office, as well as won over critics and audiences, a lot of folks in the movie biz thought they could do the same thing (and yield similar results). That thing, of course, being a slasher. Most of these opportunists wound up being pretty straightforward; they were low on humor or commentary. Yet others, like Scary Movie (2000), saw the potential for spoofing Scream, and acted on that impulse with both haste and excitement.

A few months after the Wayans’ comedy first hit theaters, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th landed on the USA Network, as part of the channel’s “Shriek Week” programming. That straight-to-cable (then home video) destination is possibly why many people still don’t know about this one. Or they simply chose to forget. Whatever the reason, only one of these two horror parodies came out on top—and it’s certainly not the movie where Coolio channeled Prince, and Tom Arnold saved the day.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th previously went by the name of I Know What You Screamed Last Semester. That Trimark acquisition then settled on a wordier title, just so it could avoid the litigious wrath of Miramax Films. Folks may or may not remember that Columbia Pictures was sued over the “implied connection” between I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997) and Scream. So, yeah, there was no way that this competing Scream parody wasn’t going to be kept on a tight rein.

A Heavy Reliance on Late ’90s TV References

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Simon Rex, Julie Benz, Majandra Delfino, Harley Cross, Danny Strong, Tom Arnold and Tiffani-Amber Thiesen in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.

Naturally, there would be similarities between Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th and Scary Movie—their scripts are built on the backs of the same two movies. It goes without saying that the other big slasher of the 1990s, I Know What You Did Last Summer, was as much of a target as Scream. However,the film pads itself with more TV references than Scary Movie did.

Half the cast coming off of (and in some cases, returning to) a WB show could be a reason why. Dawson’s Creek is particularly zeroed in on, based on how there’s a central character namedDawson Deery, and how the teen drama’s teacher-student affair plotline is satirized to the nth degree. As if there weren’t enough nods to television, Baywatch, VH1’s Pop Up Video, and even those cheesy Mentos commercials all serve as joke prompts.

Shriek director John Blanchard and writers Sue Bailey and Joe Nelms all hailed from television, so it’s understandable that they would stick close to home. The movie’s humor in general makes more sense, in light of learning that Blanchard worked on SCTV, Kids in the Hall, and MADtv. The writers, on the other hand, were each fairly green, with Bailey being the most experienced of the two; she wrote and produced the game show BattleBots. Nevertheless, they, plus Blanchard, churned out a passable, joke-a-minute movie. The whole thing is staggeringly of its time, but no one here was aiming for longevity.

Having seen enough of these kinds of movies, we know to expect jokes of the low-hanging fruit variety. That’s the parody’s whole prime directive. From the characters having names likeScrew FrombehindandDoughy Primesuspect, to stereotyping that feels taboo nowadays, this is a movie from a different era of comedy. Its coarse, corny, and unapologetic sense of humor won’t sit well with everyone in these more enlightened times. In which case, Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th can be treated as a time capsule.

Does Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th Humor Still Hold Up Today?

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“You may already be a victim”—Someone receives a most peculiar threatening piece of mail in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th.

Although Shriek doesn’t live up to its own claims of being so funny that you’ll die of laughter, its bawdier parts could still lead to some nervous laughter. For instance, after this movie’s parallel to Drew Barrymore’s Scream character is done in—not by the killer but by a bug zapper—the movie throws a newspaper next to the victim’s fresh corpse. The headline?Popular slut killed! Football team mourns.

We then move on to the wacky and inappropriate goings-on at Bulimia Falls High School, home of the Hurlers. At this nexus of constant absurdity, indecency, and surrealism, students are seen fornicating on the lawn, cheerleading squad applicants are advised to be comfortable with partial nudity, and terrorists openly prepare for an anthrax attack. It can be a tad jarring to watch, especially if you didn’t grow up witnessing this style of comedy firsthand. Hell, even if you did, you may still have awhat the hell were they thinking?reaction.

It’s not just the aggressively edgy humor here that can make you chuckle—the slapstick, the sight gags, and the ribaldry all have a decent chance of landing. The movie’s own villain, whose hockey mask was instantly transformed into a crudely Ghostface-esque one after coming in contact with an open flame, commits more cheap laughs than kills. His and his victims’ chase sequences, most of which are cartoonish in nature, left this writer grinning. The Scooby-Doo fan in me also totally ate up that clever unmasking joke.

Final Thoughts on This Forgotten Horror Parody

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Shriek If You Know What Did Last Friday the 13th

Now, the jury is still out on whether these comedies are to blame for the death of the first slasher revival. There is more to consider than some parodies. At the very least, the likes of Scary Movie didn’t exactly encourage big studios to put their money on a trend that was being derided to death (and not as profitable as the spoofs). These sorts of movies also felt unnecessary at the time, given how their principal inspiration is already a deconstruction of the genre. But like anything else that quickly becomes popular, mockery is unavoidable.

Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th is indeed a movie nobody asked for, much less needed. As a sample of pre-millennium humor and cultural attitudes, it’s not always precise. But as I’ve laid out, your mileage may vary. Horror parodies typically don’t have the best track record, so managing one’s own expectations here is recommended.

Upon rewatching, I for one laughed a bit more than I did back then. Only this time, I responded to the jokes that my younger self didn’t notice or find all that amusing. So it just goes to show that the movies don’t change—we do.

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Harley Cross and Majandra Delfino must unmask the killer a number of times in Shriek If You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th before learning their true identity.

 

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