Editorials
‘Halloween Ends’ and Ten of the Worst Babysitting Gigs in Horror Movies
Of all the jobs depicted in horror movies that are hazardous to your well-being, babysitting ranks high among the most dangerous. The low hourly rate doesn’t compensate for the utter terror a babysitter will endure from masked intruders or worse.
Halloween Ends opens with a life-altering tragedy of babysitting gone wrong, a shocking twist on the franchise’s babysitting origins. It makes for another fright-filled reminder of the high-risk, low-reward job in the world of horror movies.
This week we’re saluting the babysitter with a look back at ten of the worst babysitting gigs in horror movies. There’s not enough money in the world to make these gigs worth it…
Halloween
John Carpenter’s seminal slasher didn’t just ignite the slasher craze; it started a wave of babysitter horror. Teens Laurie Strode and Annie Brackett were tasked with babysitting on Halloween night, unaware that a masked killer was on the loose until far too late. It proved so effective that many on this list drew overt inspiration from this classic, so we’re knocking the obvious off the list straight away.
The Innocents
This quintessential entry in babysitting horror is one adaptation of many based on the 1898 novella The Turn of the Screw. It’s easy to see why this story gets revisited; a first-time governess discovers that this isn’t the career path for her when she’s haunted by unruly children and ghosts. Or is she? The haunting psychological horror sees Miss Gidden slowly unravel thanks to the estate’s dark secrets and a ward with a penchant for bad behavior.
Annabelle Comes Home
Sometimes all it takes is one bad night. Mary Ellen frequently babysits Judy Warren, the daughter of demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren. So much so that the pair have developed a genuine friendship. Their routine gets interrupted when Mary Ellen’s friend Daniela invites herself over and then lets Annabelle loose. The demonically possessed doll wakes up all the other Warren artifacts, forcing the girls to fight for their lives. Dealing with demonic possession is far above a babysitter’s pay grade.
Bloody Birthday
Three children born at the peak of a solar eclipse reveal themselves to be murderous psychopaths around their tenth birthday. It’s up to teen Joyce and her younger brother to stop them. The children set up a trap for Joyce; they plan a full-scale murder attempt while she babysits. Horror often creates external threats for babysitters to contend with, but Bloody Birthday subverts it with three young sociopathic murderers.
The House by the Cemetery
Obvious statement: there’s no safe career path in a Lucio Fulci film. If you’re anywhere near one of Fulci’s Gates of Hell, well, you’re doomed. Ann, the babysitter, shows up shortly after the Boyle family moves to a New England home with a sordid history. Never mind that there’s a red herring quality to Ann, who often behaves as though she’s hiding something. She’s tasked with caring for one of horror’s loudest screamers, Bob, and among the first to discover the house’s horrifying secret: Freudstein.
Trick or Treats
Babysitting on Halloween night always spells disaster, and Linda can’t catch a break. Her charge, Christopher, refuses to ease up for a minute on the taunts and pranks. It’d be enough to make anyone rip their hair out in frustration, but then there’s the pesky problem of Chris’s escaped mental patient father on the loose. Linda gets terrorized by both an unhinged killer and a ruthless child for the entire run of this slasher. It doesn’t break the slasher mold, and logic proves slippery for its characters, but there’s no denying that Linda has one of the absolute most unenviable babysitting gigs in horror.
The Gate
Being left alone with your younger brother for the weekend should make for the most straightforward babysitting job in the world. Fifteen-year-old Alexandra wastes no time ignoring younger brother Glen and inviting friends over for a party. But Al’s weekend of fun gets turned upside down when Glen unwittingly summons demons from the hole in their backyard. Al gets terrorized by demons and undead construction workers in the bid to undo Glen’s summoning. Worst of all, she’s deemed one of the sacrifices to complete the ritual.
When a Stranger Calls
A classic urban legend plays out in horror movie form, solidifying an effective genre trope in the process. Jill Johnson is babysitting one night when the phone rings. The stranger on the other line asks if she’s checked the kids lately. The calls increase with regularity and menace until Jill enlists the police. “The calls are coming from inside the house” still elicits chills, and it’s only the start of Jill’s peril in this horror classic.
Better Watch Out
Chris Peckover’s home invasion horror movie follows 12-year-old Luke Lerner (Levi Miller) as he’s left alone for the night with babysitter Ashley (Olivia DeJonge) while his parents attend a holiday party. Harboring a longtime crush, Luke is hoping to seduce Ashley. Their quiet night of pizza and horror movie watching is interrupted first by Luke’s best friend Garrett (Ed Oxenbould) and then by a masked and armed intruder. All hell breaks loose. Poor Ashley must deal with so much more than the unwanted advances of her charge. Full of biting, pitch-black humor, expect this one to get mean.
The House of the Devil
Ti West’s ‘80s set cult horror movie sees a young college student, Samantha, taking on an unusual babysitting gig. She’s so desperate for money that she ignores any ill omens or red flags about the job, including that she never once meets her ward before accepting. Samantha realizes too late that her eccentric clients have ritualistic plans for her. West’s fantastic slow burn brings the atmosphere, allowing its shocking bursts of violence and terrifying imagery to pack a harder punch.
Editorials
Silly, Self-Aware ‘Amityville Christmas Vacation’ Is a Welcome Change of Pace [The Amityville IP]
Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.”
After a number of bloated runtimes and technically inept entries, it’s something of a relief to watch Amityville Christmas Vacation (2022). The 55-minute film doesn’t even try to hit feature length, which is a wise decision for a film with a slight, but enjoyable premise.
The amusingly self-aware comedy is written and directed by Steve Rudzinski, who also stars as protagonist Wally Griswold. The premise is simple: a newspaper article celebrating the hero cop catches the attention of B’n’B owner Samantha (Marci Leigh), who lures Wally to Amityville under the false claim that he’s won a free Christmas stay.
Naturally it turns out that the house is haunted by a vengeful ghost named Jessica D’Angelo (Aleen Isley), but instead of murdering him like the other guests, Jessica winds up falling in love with him.
Several other recent Amityville films, including Amityville Cop and Amityville in Space, have leaned into comedy, albeit to varying degrees of success. Amityville Christmas Vacation is arguably the most successful because, despite its hit/miss joke ratio, at least the film acknowledges its inherent silliness and never takes itself seriously.
In this capacity, the film is more comedy than horror (the closest comparison is probably Amityville Vibrator, which blended hard-core erotica with references to other titles in the “series”). The jokes here are enjoyably varied: Wally glibly acknowledges his racism and excessive use of force in a way that reflects the real world culture shift around criticisms of police work; the last names of the lovers, as well the title of the film, are obvious homages to the National Lampoon’s holiday film; and the narrative embodies the usual festive tropes of Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies.
This self-awareness buys the film a certain amount of goodwill, which is vital considering Rudzinski’s clear budgetary limitations. Jessica’s ghost make-up is pretty basic, the action is practically non-existent, and the whole film essentially takes place in a single location. These elements are forgivable, though audiences whose funny bone isn’t tickled will find the basic narrative, low stakes, and amateur acting too glaring to overlook. It must be acknowledged that in spite of its brief runtime, there’s still an undeniable feeling of padding in certain dialogue exchanges and sequences.
Despite this, there’s plenty to like about Amityville Christmas Vacation.
Rudzinski is the clear stand-out here. Wally is a goof: he’s incredibly slow on the uptake and obsessed with his cat Whiskers. The early portions of the film lean on Wally’s inherent likeability and Rudzinski shares an easy charm with co-star Isley, although her performance is a bit more one-note (Jessica is mostly confused by the idiot who has wandered into her midst).
Falling somewhere in the middle are Ben Dietels as Rick (Ben Dietels), Wally’s pathetic co-worker who has invented a family to spend the holidays with, and Zelda (Autumn Ivy), the supernatural case worker that Jessica Zooms with for advice on how to negotiate her newfound situation.
The other actors are less successful, particularly Garrett Hunter as ghost hunter Creighton Spool (Scott Lewis), as well as Samantha, the home owner. Leigh, in particular, barely makes an impression and there’s absolutely no bite in her jealous threats in the last act.
Like most comedies, audience mileage will vary depending on their tolerance for low-brow jokes. If the idea of Wally chastising and giving himself a pep talk out loud in front of Jessica isn’t funny, Amityville Christmas Vacation likely isn’t for you. As it stands, the film’s success rate is approximately 50/50: for every amusing joke, there’s another one that misses the mark.
Despite this – or perhaps because of the film’s proximity to the recent glut of terrible entries – Amityville Christmas Vacation is a welcome breath of fresh air. It’s not a great film, but it is often amusing and silly. There’s something to be said for keeping things simple and executing them reasonably well.
That’s a lesson that other indie Amityville filmmakers could stand to learn.
The Amityville IP Awards go to…
- Recurring Gag: The film mines plenty of jokes from characters saying the quiet part (out) loud, including Samantha’s delivery of “They’re always the people I hate” when Wally asks how he won a contest he didn’t enter.
- Holiday Horror: There’s a brief reference that Jessica died in an “icicle accident,” which plays like a perfect blend between a horror film and a Hallmark film.
- Best Line: After Jessica jokes about Wally’s love of all things cats to Zelda, calling him the “cat’s meow,” the case worker’s deadpan delivery of “Yeah, that sounds like an inside joke” is delightful.
- Christmas Wish: In case you were wondering, yes, Santa Claus (Joshua Antoon) does show up for the film’s final joke, though it’s arguably not great.
- Chainsaw Award: This film won Fangoria’s ‘Best Amityville’ Chainsaw award in 2023, which makes sense given how unique it is compared to many other titles released in 2022. This also means that the film is probably the best entry we’ll discuss for some time, so…yay?
- ICYMI: This editorial series was recently included in a profile in the The New York Times, another sign that the Amityville “franchise” will never truly die.
Next time: we’re hitting the holidays in the wrong order with a look at November 2022’s Amityville Thanksgiving, which hails from the same creative team as Amityville Karen <gulp>
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