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Hell Is a Teenage Girl: 1989’s Five Baddest Teen Queens [1989 Week]

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Presented by Lisa Frankenstein, 1989 Week is dialing the clock back to the crossroads year for the genre with a full week of features that dig six feet under into the year. Today, Rachel Reeves lists the five baddest teen queens of 1989.

Bridging the gap between the ’80s and ’90s, 1989 was an interesting year for horror. With a robust roster of strong slasher icons to lean on, innovative sub-genres and a thriving physical media industry, 1989 desperately clung to the last gasp of the ’80s while tentatively experimenting with what the ’90s might bring. Along with a wealth of later-entry franchise sequels, this indecisive decade straddling also resulted in some eclectic representations of all-to-familiar tropes, including the “bad girl.”

The allure of the bad girl is one of the most enduring tropes in horror film history. Whether labeled as a witch, vampire, monster, sexually promiscuous, uppity or any other brand of stigmatizing language, these women behaving badly who refuse to conform never cease to lose their appeal. With the rise of the slasher in the ’80s and the teenage blood that fed these monstrous fictional machines, the expansion of the teenage bad girl trope makes sense.

As many can attest, being a teenager is tough. Navigating the ever-evolving rollercoaster of hormonal and physical changes that accompany this period of life alone is enough to make anyone break bad. However, for many young women, the added pressure of socially projected physical ideals and perpetuated gender-role behaviors can function as a catalyst for rebellion. What’s unique about the bad girls put on screen in the ’80s is the broad portrayal of behaviors deemed “bad.” While newfound bad-ness is an empowering strength for some teenage women, for others, it becomes their downfall.

Here are five of the baddest teen queens of 1989 that wonderfully demonstrate a broad spectrum of bad girl energy.


Tamara Mason – Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

The Character: Long before Regina George became the Queen Bee in Mean Girls, Tamara Mason gave wealthy, spoiled blondes a bad name. Portrayed by Sharlene Martin, Tamara is Lakeview High’s Prom Queen and one of the many unfortunate teens who meet their end aboard the S.S. Voorhees.

Bad Behavior: While some cope with the horrors of high school by sleeping through weekends and making questionable hairstyle choices, Tamara pushes the envelope with what she can get away with. With her travel kit of cocaine at the ready, Tamara seeks to turn the celebratory grad cruise’s party meter up a notch by sharing her stash with her fellow grad, Eva (Kelly Hu). After getting caught mid-snort by the less adventurous Rennie (Jensen Daggett), Tamara gives Rennie a bump of her own straight into the pitch-black water beneath. Then, when confronted with a failing Biology project grade, Tamara puts her own genetically blessed biology to work and attempts to seduce her much older teacher. Even though it’s possible these questionable decisions were simply a phase, none of us will ever know as it was ultimately Jason who became Tamra’s last date.


Heather Chandler – Heathers

The Character: As the leader of the Westerburg High clique known as “The Heathers,” Heather Chandler (Kim Walker) wields her power over friends and foes alike with absolute confidence and arrogance. Strengthened by her privilege and beauty, Heather convinces everyone — even herself — that she is irreplaceable and above reproach.

Bad Behavior: By routinely looking at people as stereotypes, assets, and liabilities rather than human beings, Heather soon inadvertently applies this approach to herself. Rather than supporting and empathizing with Veronica (Winona Ryder) when she shuts down Brad’s sexual advances and begins to feel ill, Heather scolds Veronica. She also routinely makes light of Heather Duke’s (Shannen Doherty) eating disorder and desire to be friends. At her core, Heather’s ego is so fragile that she confuses vulnerability with weakness. Though this truth ultimately gets undermined in the public eye by the cover story for her death, Veronica and J.D. will always know the sad truth behind the lie.


Clarissa Carlyn – Society

The Character: Beautiful, bold, and confident, Clarissa (Devin DeVasquez) attends the same Beverly Hills high school as the rich and privileged Bill Whitney (Billy Warlock). Unashamed of her sexuality and intriguing personality quirks that set her apart from her fellow female classmates, she soon catches the eye of Bill. Despite vastly different origin stories, Billy and Clarissa soon bond over their outsider status in their community.

Bad Behavior: For many women, bad behavior is not so much bad as it goes against the grain of what is deemed acceptable by society. This is the position that Clarissa finds herself in. Sexually confident and unabashedly effervescent, her forward approach towards Billy is deemed “bad news” by his friends. Similarly, her lack of concern over conforming to a particular social clique in school elicits jealous responses and glares from Bily’s very socially acceptable girlfriend, Shauna. Then, when forced to choose between adhering to cultural rituals or breaking away to follow her gut, Clarissa checks those societal expectations at the door. She also drives an undeniably bad-ass bright red Porsche 911 Turbo, which practically screams cinematic bad girl.


Alice Johnson – A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

The Character: Audiences first became acquainted with Alice (Lisa Wilcox) in A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master. Again, returning as the main protagonist, Alice has the unique distinction of successfully facing and surviving Freddy Kreuger and being able to pull people into her dreams. Strengthened by her initial experience with Kreuger, Alice meets us strong, confident, kind, intelligent, and determined in this film.

Bad Behavior: Teen mothers have long been stigmatized by society. Sadly, this is a truth that remains prevalent, and this culturally perceived result of “bad behavior” is one that Alice finds herself unexpectedly confronting soon after her high school graduation. Despite the pregnancy coming from a healthy, loving relationship with Dan (Danny Hassel), the weight of the news becomes compounded by Dan’s untimely death. Not surprisingly, Freddy uses the situation to weasel his way back into existence through Alice’s unborn child. Against all odds, Dan’s family’s objections, and her friends’ loving concerns, Alice carefully considers all options at her disposal and consciously decides to keep her pregnancy. Risking more than just her life, Alice refuses to let fear win and stands boldly in her truth, summoning her strength (and that of one very special mother who came before her) to destroy Kreuger again.


Angela Baker – Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland

The Character: First introduced in Sleepaway Camp (1983) and again in Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988), Angela once again returns to the screen (this time portrayed by Pamela Springsteen) as homicidal, dangerous, and unhinged as ever. Though her exact age in this film is a bit unclear, there is no confusion about her posing as a teenager in order to return to Camp Rolling Hills and add even more teenagers to her ever-growing kill count.

Bad Behavior: While Angela clearly has her flaws, creativity, consistency and follow-through are certainly not among them. After killing a prospective camper to take her place and gain entry to Camp Rolling Hills, rebranded as Camp New Horizons, Angela continues taking every opportunity available to usher souls off this mortal coil. Utilizing everything from household cleaners and firecrackers to tent spikes, axes, heights, and lawnmowers, Angela is focused and dedicated to her bloody mission. After all, murder is a serious business.

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Editorials

Silly, Self-Aware ‘Amityville Christmas Vacation’ Is a Welcome Change of Pace [The Amityville IP]

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Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.” 

After a number of bloated runtimes and technically inept entries, it’s something of a relief to watch Amityville Christmas Vacation (2022). The 55-minute film doesn’t even try to hit feature length, which is a wise decision for a film with a slight, but enjoyable premise.

The amusingly self-aware comedy is written and directed by Steve Rudzinski, who also stars as protagonist Wally Griswold. The premise is simple: a newspaper article celebrating the hero cop catches the attention of B’n’B owner Samantha (Marci Leigh), who lures Wally to Amityville under the false claim that he’s won a free Christmas stay.

Naturally it turns out that the house is haunted by a vengeful ghost named Jessica D’Angelo (Aleen Isley), but instead of murdering him like the other guests, Jessica winds up falling in love with him.

Several other recent Amityville films, including Amityville Cop and Amityville in Space, have leaned into comedy, albeit to varying degrees of success. Amityville Christmas Vacation is arguably the most successful because, despite its hit/miss joke ratio, at least the film acknowledges its inherent silliness and never takes itself seriously.

In this capacity, the film is more comedy than horror (the closest comparison is probably Amityville Vibrator, which blended hard-core erotica with references to other titles in the “series”). The jokes here are enjoyably varied: Wally glibly acknowledges his racism and excessive use of force in a way that reflects the real world culture shift around criticisms of police work; the last names of the lovers, as well the title of the film, are obvious homages to the National Lampoon’s holiday film; and the narrative embodies the usual festive tropes of Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies.

This self-awareness buys the film a certain amount of goodwill, which is vital considering Rudzinski’s clear budgetary limitations. Jessica’s ghost make-up is pretty basic, the action is practically non-existent, and the whole film essentially takes place in a single location. These elements are forgivable, though audiences whose funny bone isn’t tickled will find the basic narrative, low stakes, and amateur acting too glaring to overlook. It must be acknowledged that in spite of its brief runtime, there’s still an undeniable feeling of padding in certain dialogue exchanges and sequences.

Despite this, there’s plenty to like about Amityville Christmas Vacation.

Rudzinski is the clear stand-out here. Wally is a goof: he’s incredibly slow on the uptake and obsessed with his cat Whiskers. The early portions of the film lean on Wally’s inherent likeability and Rudzinski shares an easy charm with co-star Isley, although her performance is a bit more one-note (Jessica is mostly confused by the idiot who has wandered into her midst).

Falling somewhere in the middle are Ben Dietels as Rick (Ben Dietels), Wally’s pathetic co-worker who has invented a family to spend the holidays with, and Zelda (Autumn Ivy), the supernatural case worker that Jessica Zooms with for advice on how to negotiate her newfound situation.

The other actors are less successful, particularly Garrett Hunter as ghost hunter Creighton Spool (Scott Lewis), as well as Samantha, the home owner. Leigh, in particular, barely makes an impression and there’s absolutely no bite in her jealous threats in the last act.

Like most comedies, audience mileage will vary depending on their tolerance for low-brow jokes. If the idea of Wally chastising and giving himself a pep talk out loud in front of Jessica isn’t funny, Amityville Christmas Vacation likely isn’t for you. As it stands, the film’s success rate is approximately 50/50: for every amusing joke, there’s another one that misses the mark.

Despite this – or perhaps because of the film’s proximity to the recent glut of terrible entries – Amityville Christmas Vacation is a welcome breath of fresh air. It’s not a great film, but it is often amusing and silly. There’s something to be said for keeping things simple and executing them reasonably well.

That’s a lesson that other indie Amityville filmmakers could stand to learn.

2.5 out of 5 skulls

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

  • Recurring Gag: The film mines plenty of jokes from characters saying the quiet part (out) loud, including Samantha’s delivery of “They’re always the people I hate” when Wally asks how he won a contest he didn’t enter.
  • Holiday Horror: There’s a brief reference that Jessica died in an “icicle accident,” which plays like a perfect blend between a horror film and a Hallmark film.
  • Best Line: After Jessica jokes about Wally’s love of all things cats to Zelda, calling him the “cat’s meow,” the case worker’s deadpan delivery of “Yeah, that sounds like an inside joke” is delightful.
  • Christmas Wish: In case you were wondering, yes, Santa Claus (Joshua Antoon) does show up for the film’s final joke, though it’s arguably not great.
  • Chainsaw Award: This film won Fangoria’s ‘Best Amityville’ Chainsaw award in 2023, which makes sense given how unique it is compared to many other titles released in 2022. This also means that the film is probably the best entry we’ll discuss for some time, so…yay?
  • ICYMI: This editorial series was recently included in a profile in the The New York Times, another sign that the Amityville “franchise” will never truly die.

Next time: we’re hitting the holidays in the wrong order with a look at November 2022’s Amityville Thanksgiving, which hails from the same creative team as Amityville Karen <gulp>

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