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Rockin’ the Suburbs: 1989’s 7 Killer Suburban Screams [1989 Week]

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Presented by Lisa Frankenstein1989 Week is dialing the clock back to the crossroads year for the genre with a full week of features that dig six feet under into the year. Today, it all comes to an end as Rachel Reeves searches for scares in the suburbs.

In the back half of the 1980s, the American suburbs experienced a resurgence in popularity. As global instabilities stabilized and economies began to boom, moving to the suburbs became a sign of financial and professional success. Primarily populated by young families, the suburbs also became associated with traditional family values, safety, and community. However, as any true crime enthusiast knows, some things (and some people) are not always as innocent as they appear.

With Hollywood quick to hop on this trend train, what resulted was a wealth of interesting Frankenstein-style film ideas that simultaneously displayed the absurd excess and nostalgic conservatism the decade would soon be defined by. While movies like Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids, and Adventures in Babysitting captured the lighter lifestyle vibes for more mainstream audiences, horror played up the dark potential lurking behind white picket fences. Reaching a near-critical mass peak in 1989, the year’s suburban horror offerings cover every dark possibility imaginable and then some.

Here are some of the best suburban screams that 1989 had to offer, curated for your enjoyment.


Phantom of the Mall: Eric’s Revenge

Ah, the mall. Though now often regarded as quaint, half-vacant relics of a bygone era, these brick-and-mortar behemoths once stood as physical symbols of prosperity and limitless possibilities for many suburban communities in the 80s and 90s. Before anything and everything was available with free next-day delivery, the mall was a central hub to commune and explore the endless capitalism-fueled wonders on display.

Tapping into this timely trend, director Richard Friedman delivers one of the wildest mall-themed horror films out there. After the new town mall is built on the site of a tragic house fire that killed a teen named Eric (Derek Rydall), strange thefts, murders, and occurrences begin to happen on the premises. Before long, Eric’s former girlfriend Melody (Kari Whitman) and Peter (Rob Estes), an intrepid young reporter, begin to connect the dots between the mall, the fire, and Eric. Part bonkers spin on The Phantom of the Opera, part small-town teen thriller, this flick really does have it all. Including an amazing early performance from Pauly Shore!


The ‘Burbs

THE BURBS, Bruce Dern, Tom Hanks, Corey Feldman, Wendy Schaal, 1989, (c)Universal

Rarely has suburban ennui been captured so perfectly as in director Joe Dante’s pitch-black horror comedy, The ‘Burbs. Despite claiming to want a simple stay-cation at home, Ray (Tom Hanks) just can’t help but involve himself in the latest neighborhood drama. Everyone keeps tabs on everyone, and that goes double for the new neighbors who have yet to mow their lawn or be seen in daylight. Further exasperated by sheer boredom, Ray and the many colorful personalities that live in his cul-de-sac let their imaginations run wild. As their paranoia takes over and begins to dictate their actions, what ensues is a hilarious portrait of privileged suburban life as only Joe Dante can paint it.


Death Spa

With the increased availability of funds for many in the 80s came a corresponding interest in health and wellbeing. Gyms began to pop up in every neighborhood strip mall, and Jane Fonda workout VHS tapes invaded millions of suburban homes across America. So, naturally, it was only a matter of time before films like Killer Workout, Linnea Quigley’s Horror Workout, Murder-Rock and Death Spa came to fruition.

In gorgeous 80s fashion, director Michael Fischa’s Death Spa (also known as Witch Bitch) went direct from Cannes to VHS in 1989. The film centers around the tragic family drama of a small-time, high-tech gym owner named Michael (William Bumiller). After Michael’s wife Catherine commits suicide, a series of terrible accidents and spa technology malfunctions occur, killing multiple gym patrons. On top of that, Michael’s brother-in-law continues to blame Michael for Catherine’s death. However, before Michael can master his grief and guilt, he has to stop his paying customers from getting killed, or he soon won’t have any left.


Pet Sematary

When first introduced to Dr. Louis Creed (Dale Midkiff) in director Mary Lambert’s adaptation of Stephen King’s Pet Sematary, it would appear as though the Creeds were living a perfect American dream. After landing a new job and a beautiful new home, Louis and his wife Rachel (Denise Crosby) were set to give their two young children a picturesque place to grow up. You know, minus that creepy pet cemetery lurking on the back half of their property. However, things quickly turn dark and complicated when the Creed’s young son, Gage, gets tragically killed in front of their home.

What makes this film version of Pet Sematary so terrifying and haunting is how the story explores every parent’s worst nightmare and the buried feelings it digs up in both Louis and Rachel. The horror of losing a child is unimaginable, but it’s a horror that becomes further amplified when Louis learns of a way to bring Gage back. Despite ample warnings that “sometimes dead is better,” rational decision-making holds no sway over a force as powerful as grief.


Stepfather II

There’s something extra scary about a dangerous threat coming from within one’s own home. Whether it’s a phone call or a person, this level of violation carries an extra chilling weight. In the case of The Stepfather and 1989’s Stepfather II, this bad news starter kit gets cranked up a whole other notch by mixing in an additional layer of deception and obsessive mental illness.

Once again starring Terry O’Quinn as the titular stepfather, Jerry has inexplicably survived his last family squabble and been committed to a psychiatric facility. However, there is simply no containing (or rehabilitating) this bad daddy and Jerry quickly escapes and becomes Dr. Gene Clifford. Soon setting his sights on the newly separated Carol (Meg Foster) and her son Todd (Jonathan Brandis), Gene weasels his way into Carol’s heart and home, putting the traditional marital vow of “for better or for worse” to the ultimate test.


Blades

There are some movie ideas so ridiculous that one can’t help but admire the sheer nerve and creativity. Director Thomas R. Rondinella’s film Blades just so happens to fall into this category. In the movie, the Tall Grass Country Club becomes the hunting grounds for a bloodthirsty lawnmower. After (literally) mowing down multiple guests and children, two golf pros and a grumpy landscaper decide to take the matter into their own hands and stop the killer beast once and for all. With blatant nods to movies like Jaws and Caddyshack, Blades is a surprisingly delightful summer scream that is truly a cut above the rest.


Society

Like an excellent wine pairing, director Brian Yuzna’s Society works as a perfect complementing partner to The ‘Burbs and its strong emphasis on suburban life. Leaning a bit harder into the economics of the 80s gluttonous excess, Society examines this ravenous hunger for wealth and power through the lens of one very interesting gated community.

Despite countless therapy sessions, Bill (Billy Whitlock) can’t shake the feeling that he doesn’t belong. With the issue cutting deeper than a simple lack of party invitations, Bill begins to question everything he knows, even his genetics. Further fueled by a shocking recording made by his sister’s ex-boyfriend, Bill’s deepest fears soon spiral into a reveal that once seen can never be forgotten. A masterwork of body-horror, dark comedy, and scathing social commentary, Society remains as pleasurable and relevant as ever.

Still hungry for more? Here are a few extra 1989 honorable mentions of varying “quality” that will still absolutely scratch that suburb horror sub-genre itch:

  • Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers
  • Things
  • A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child
  • The Cellar
  • C.H.U.D. II: Bud the Chud
  • Intruder

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Editorials

Silly, Self-Aware ‘Amityville Christmas Vacation’ Is a Welcome Change of Pace [The Amityville IP]

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Twice a month Joe Lipsett will dissect a new Amityville Horror film to explore how the “franchise” has evolved in increasingly ludicrous directions. This is “The Amityville IP.” 

After a number of bloated runtimes and technically inept entries, it’s something of a relief to watch Amityville Christmas Vacation (2022). The 55-minute film doesn’t even try to hit feature length, which is a wise decision for a film with a slight, but enjoyable premise.

The amusingly self-aware comedy is written and directed by Steve Rudzinski, who also stars as protagonist Wally Griswold. The premise is simple: a newspaper article celebrating the hero cop catches the attention of B’n’B owner Samantha (Marci Leigh), who lures Wally to Amityville under the false claim that he’s won a free Christmas stay.

Naturally it turns out that the house is haunted by a vengeful ghost named Jessica D’Angelo (Aleen Isley), but instead of murdering him like the other guests, Jessica winds up falling in love with him.

Several other recent Amityville films, including Amityville Cop and Amityville in Space, have leaned into comedy, albeit to varying degrees of success. Amityville Christmas Vacation is arguably the most successful because, despite its hit/miss joke ratio, at least the film acknowledges its inherent silliness and never takes itself seriously.

In this capacity, the film is more comedy than horror (the closest comparison is probably Amityville Vibrator, which blended hard-core erotica with references to other titles in the “series”). The jokes here are enjoyably varied: Wally glibly acknowledges his racism and excessive use of force in a way that reflects the real world culture shift around criticisms of police work; the last names of the lovers, as well the title of the film, are obvious homages to the National Lampoon’s holiday film; and the narrative embodies the usual festive tropes of Hallmark and Lifetime Christmas movies.

This self-awareness buys the film a certain amount of goodwill, which is vital considering Rudzinski’s clear budgetary limitations. Jessica’s ghost make-up is pretty basic, the action is practically non-existent, and the whole film essentially takes place in a single location. These elements are forgivable, though audiences whose funny bone isn’t tickled will find the basic narrative, low stakes, and amateur acting too glaring to overlook. It must be acknowledged that in spite of its brief runtime, there’s still an undeniable feeling of padding in certain dialogue exchanges and sequences.

Despite this, there’s plenty to like about Amityville Christmas Vacation.

Rudzinski is the clear stand-out here. Wally is a goof: he’s incredibly slow on the uptake and obsessed with his cat Whiskers. The early portions of the film lean on Wally’s inherent likeability and Rudzinski shares an easy charm with co-star Isley, although her performance is a bit more one-note (Jessica is mostly confused by the idiot who has wandered into her midst).

Falling somewhere in the middle are Ben Dietels as Rick (Ben Dietels), Wally’s pathetic co-worker who has invented a family to spend the holidays with, and Zelda (Autumn Ivy), the supernatural case worker that Jessica Zooms with for advice on how to negotiate her newfound situation.

The other actors are less successful, particularly Garrett Hunter as ghost hunter Creighton Spool (Scott Lewis), as well as Samantha, the home owner. Leigh, in particular, barely makes an impression and there’s absolutely no bite in her jealous threats in the last act.

Like most comedies, audience mileage will vary depending on their tolerance for low-brow jokes. If the idea of Wally chastising and giving himself a pep talk out loud in front of Jessica isn’t funny, Amityville Christmas Vacation likely isn’t for you. As it stands, the film’s success rate is approximately 50/50: for every amusing joke, there’s another one that misses the mark.

Despite this – or perhaps because of the film’s proximity to the recent glut of terrible entries – Amityville Christmas Vacation is a welcome breath of fresh air. It’s not a great film, but it is often amusing and silly. There’s something to be said for keeping things simple and executing them reasonably well.

That’s a lesson that other indie Amityville filmmakers could stand to learn.

2.5 out of 5 skulls

The Amityville IP Awards go to…

  • Recurring Gag: The film mines plenty of jokes from characters saying the quiet part (out) loud, including Samantha’s delivery of “They’re always the people I hate” when Wally asks how he won a contest he didn’t enter.
  • Holiday Horror: There’s a brief reference that Jessica died in an “icicle accident,” which plays like a perfect blend between a horror film and a Hallmark film.
  • Best Line: After Jessica jokes about Wally’s love of all things cats to Zelda, calling him the “cat’s meow,” the case worker’s deadpan delivery of “Yeah, that sounds like an inside joke” is delightful.
  • Christmas Wish: In case you were wondering, yes, Santa Claus (Joshua Antoon) does show up for the film’s final joke, though it’s arguably not great.
  • Chainsaw Award: This film won Fangoria’s ‘Best Amityville’ Chainsaw award in 2023, which makes sense given how unique it is compared to many other titles released in 2022. This also means that the film is probably the best entry we’ll discuss for some time, so…yay?
  • ICYMI: This editorial series was recently included in a profile in the The New York Times, another sign that the Amityville “franchise” will never truly die.

Next time: we’re hitting the holidays in the wrong order with a look at November 2022’s Amityville Thanksgiving, which hails from the same creative team as Amityville Karen <gulp>

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