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“The Check is in the Mail”: Celebrating 30 Years of ‘Big Trouble in Little China’

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I’m a reasonable guy. But, I’ve just experienced some very unreasonable things.Big Trouble in Little China. Full of great characters, a wildly entertaining story, and one of the greatest “side kicks who thinks he’s the hero” gags, I’d honestly put my life on the line in support of that movie.

Today marks the 30th anniversary since the movie hit theaters where it was considered a major flop, earning only $11.1 million (in N. America) against its $20 million budget. While audiences at that time did not recognize the magnificence that graced their very presence, we today understand the appeal of the film, which has since attained a cult status. Hell, even The Rock loves it.

As you can probably guess, the following is simply me gushing about Big Trouble in Little China. Here we go.

Many of you know my undying love of this film. Hell, I’d honestly put it in my Top 10 movie list, and that’s not limiting it to horror. I can’t tell you how much joy I get watching Big Trouble in Little China. Firstly, it’s got the ever awesome Kurt Russell, the incredibly attractive and brilliantly cast Kim Cattrall, and it introduced Carpenter to Dennis Dun, who would appear in 1987’s Prince of Darkness. When it comes to villains, they cast James Hong as Lo Pan. Sheer. Genius.

The story is also delightfully absurd and yet absolutely magnificent. I’d be willing to put down serious money that says games like Streets of Rage and Double Dragon took inspiration from here. Just think about it! Gang members kidnap the hero’s girlfriend and it’s up to him and his pal/brother/whatever to rescue her by beating the absolute crap out of everyone in various scenarios. That’s the plot to nearly every arcade beat ’em up from the late 80’s and early 90’s. At the very least, they owe Big Trouble in Little China a little bit of gratitude.

As for the script, I will never stop gushing over it. It fully embraces its cheesiness and pokes fun at it left and right. The level of absurdity is through the roof and yet everyone plays their characters with just joy and gusto that every line comes off as charming instead of groan-inducing.

Look at these examples:

“Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.”

“This is gonna take crackerjack timing, Wang.”

“Play your cards right… you live to talk about it!”

“[After Jack starts up his truck, “Porkchop Express”] 6.9 on the Richter scale!”

“That’s why the bottle didn’t slice. My mind and my spirit are goin’ north and south.”

Dammit, I love it so much!

And for those of you still kvetching that it’s not a horror movie, let’s look at the monsters because some of them are great!

Remember the hairy red-eyed Yeti-esque thing? I won’t lie, that thing scared me when I was a young’un. The final scene where it bursts out of the back of Burton’s truck? I covered my eyes nearly every time. Or how about the “Guardian”, the multi-eyed cacodemon looking bastard that licked itself with a tongue that had an eyeball on its tip!!! If that’s not enough, the whole movie is about demons, ghosts, and supernatural entities. Just because the horror aspect isn’t front and center doesn’t mean it’s not a horror film. It’s just a ton of other stuff as well!

As always, Carpenter and co-composing partner Alan Howarth crafted an engaging and addictive score. Carpenter’s own band Coupe De Villes’ provided a theme song which never fails to make me tap my feet and sing along.

Look, I could go on and on about Big Trouble in Little China for hours and hours. Seriously, hang out with me, get a beer or two inside my stomach, and watch me gush. Why? Because it’s a brilliant movie that is honestly one of John Carpenter’s best.

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go pop it in. This is Jonathan Barkan of the Bloody-Disgusting Express, signing off!

Managing editor/music guy/social media fella of Bloody-Disgusting

Editorials

‘A Haunted House’ and the Death of the Horror Spoof Movie

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Due to a complex series of anthropological mishaps, the Wayans Brothers are a huge deal in Brazil. Around these parts, White Chicks is considered a national treasure by a lot of people, so it stands to reason that Brazilian audiences would continue to accompany the Wayans’ comedic output long after North America had stopped taking them seriously as comedic titans.

This is the only reason why I originally watched Michael Tiddes and Marlon Wayans’ 2013 horror spoof A Haunted House – appropriately known as “Paranormal Inactivity” in South America – despite having abandoned this kind of movie shortly after the excellent Scary Movie 3. However, to my complete and utter amazement, I found myself mostly enjoying this unhinged parody of Found Footage films almost as much as the iconic spoofs that spear-headed the genre during the 2000s. And with Paramount having recently announced a reboot of the Scary Movie franchise, I think this is the perfect time to revisit the divisive humor of A Haunted House and maybe figure out why this kind of film hasn’t been popular in a long time.

Before we had memes and internet personalities to make fun of movie tropes for free on the internet, parody movies had been entertaining audiences with meta-humor since the very dawn of cinema. And since the genre attracted large audiences without the need for a serious budget, it made sense for studios to encourage parodies of their own productions – which is precisely what happened with Miramax when they commissioned a parody of the Scream franchise, the original Scary Movie.

The unprecedented success of the spoof (especially overseas) led to a series of sequels, spin-offs and rip-offs that came along throughout the 2000s. While some of these were still quite funny (I have a soft spot for 2008’s Superhero Movie), they ended up flooding the market much like the Guitar Hero games that plagued video game stores during that same timeframe.

You could really confuse someone by editing this scene into Paranormal Activity.

Of course, that didn’t stop Tiddes and Marlon Wayans from wanting to make another spoof meant to lampoon a sub-genre that had been mostly overlooked by the Scary Movie series – namely the second wave of Found Footage films inspired by Paranormal Activity. Wayans actually had an easier time than usual funding the picture due to the project’s Found Footage presentation, with the format allowing for a lower budget without compromising box office appeal.

In the finished film, we’re presented with supposedly real footage recovered from the home of Malcom Johnson (Wayans). The recordings themselves depict a series of unexplainable events that begin to plague his home when Kisha Davis (Essence Atkins) decides to move in, with the couple slowly realizing that the difficulties of a shared life are no match for demonic shenanigans.

In practice, this means that viewers are subjected to a series of familiar scares subverted by wacky hijinks, with the flick featuring everything from a humorous recreation of the iconic fan-camera from Paranormal Activity 3 to bizarre dance numbers replacing Katy’s late-night trances from Oren Peli’s original movie.

Your enjoyment of these antics will obviously depend on how accepting you are of Wayans’ patented brand of crass comedy. From advanced potty humor to some exaggerated racial commentary – including a clever moment where Malcom actually attempts to move out of the titular haunted house because he’s not white enough to deal with the haunting – it’s not all that surprising that the flick wound up with a 10% rating on Rotten Tomatoes despite making a killing at the box office.

However, while this isn’t my preferred kind of humor, I think the inherent limitations of Found Footage ended up curtailing the usual excesses present in this kind of parody, with the filmmakers being forced to focus on character-based comedy and a smaller scale story. This is why I mostly appreciate the love-hate rapport between Kisha and Malcom even if it wouldn’t translate to a healthy relationship in real life.

Of course, the jokes themselves can also be pretty entertaining on their own, with cartoony gags like the ghost getting high with the protagonists (complete with smoke-filled invisible lungs) and a series of silly The Exorcist homages towards the end of the movie. The major issue here is that these legitimately funny and genre-specific jokes are often accompanied by repetitive attempts at low-brow humor that you could find in any other cheap comedy.

Not a good idea.

Not only are some of these painfully drawn out “jokes” incredibly unfunny, but they can also be remarkably offensive in some cases. There are some pretty insensitive allusions to sexual assault here, as well as a collection of secondary characters defined by negative racial stereotypes (even though I chuckled heartily when the Latina maid was revealed to have been faking her poor English the entire time).

Cinephiles often claim that increasingly sloppy writing led to audiences giving up on spoof movies, but the fact is that many of the more beloved examples of the genre contain some of the same issues as later films like A Haunted House – it’s just that we as an audience have (mostly) grown up and are now demanding more from our comedy. However, this isn’t the case everywhere, as – much like the Elves from Lord of the Rings – spoof movies never really died, they simply diminished.

A Haunted House made so much money that they immediately started working on a second one that released the following year (to even worse reviews), and the same team would later collaborate once again on yet another spoof, 50 Shades of Black. This kind of film clearly still exists and still makes a lot of money (especially here in Brazil), they just don’t have the same cultural impact that they used to in a pre-social-media-humor world.

At the end of the day, A Haunted House is no comedic masterpiece, failing to live up to the laugh-out-loud thrills of films like Scary Movie 3, but it’s also not the trainwreck that most critics made it out to be back in 2013. Comedy is extremely subjective, and while the raunchy humor behind this flick definitely isn’t for everyone, I still think that this satirical romp is mostly harmless fun that might entertain Found Footage fans that don’t take themselves too seriously.

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