This essay is a [now belated] Christmas present written for all you young bastards out there. First off, I know many of you aren’t actually bastards. I use the term as a sign of fake-tough guy affection. Because deep down, we are all fake tough guys. That’s why we watch horror films.
But maybe some of you are too young to watch horror films. Stupid mom won’t let you and you don’t have a dad (again, I understand that you probably have a dad). I used to be in your boat. My mom wouldn’t let me watch any horror films until I was about fourteen years old. While most kids pretended to get lost in the video store so they could ogle the porn room, I spent my video story visits pretending to be lost so I could stare at VHS box art in the horror section, which admittedly had its fair share of boobs, as well.
I had a serious horror film itch, and there were only two methods by which I could scratch it. One was to stay the night with friends, since most of them lacked mothers as lame and draconian as mine. Unfortunately, this rarely worked out. Most of my friends had no interest in horror films or had already seen them before too many times. I saw Halloween 4 and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 by this method, but that’s about it.
Fortunately there was method two: Television. Granted, this wasn’t good for horror films but it worked wonders for horror itself because mom couldn’t monitor everything I watched. Plus, she figured if it was on TV, it had to be suitable for children. READ MORE
[BD Caption Contest] Win “Texas Chainsaw 3D” On Blu-ray!!!