Connect with us

Editorials

[BEST & WORST ’12] Lonmonster’s List Of The Worst Films Of 2012

Published

on

I’ve been following Bloody-Disgusting since way before I started writing for them. Being a critic has opened so many doors for me, providing the awesome opportunity to discover a world of horror that I didn’t even know existed. Unfortunately, some of that world is not so pretty.

Like any year, 2012 was host to some real stinkers. As a personal rule, I avoid trash-talking other people in the industry. I don’t like spitting venom at people I don’t know, especially young filmmakers who are still learning the tricks of the trade. But hey, I’m an emotional guy, and sometimes movies get the better of me. The films listed below don’t find themselves here simply because they’re bad, but because they genuinely made me angry.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Evan Dickson (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst) | Lonmonster (Best/Worst) | Corey Mitchell (Best of Fest) | Supporting Staff (Best & Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best Novels)
Posters (Best/Worst) | Trailers (Best/Worst)

Lonmonster’s List Of The Worst Films Of 2012

5. ATM (March 2; IFC Films)

I don’t really want to put this one on my list because I know some of you are hounds for bad horror and will inevitably watch this after seeing it listed. Nobody should watch this movie.

4. Seven Below (April 7; Arc Entertainment)

Seven Below isn’t a complex film, but it wants to be. It has a capable cast of actors, including Val Kilmer, but no star can help a plot that makes zero sense. There is no explanation for anything that happens. People pull photographs out of nowhere, there’s a ghost, a Mexican, another ghost, a glory hole behind a bed, and something to do with reincarnation. Or, are they hallucinating? Seven Below is like a game of Clue being played by 6-year-olds who don’t give a shit about rules, but just put pieces on the board and make up a story.

3. Hidden In The Woods (Fantasia 2012)

Murder, drugs, rape, rape, and more rape. A deformed cannibalistic brother, prostitution, starvation, more rape. This a shamefully misogynistic film that treats rape as a queue for thrills rather than a serious subject. Hidden in the Woods is offensive to good taste, and it should stay hidden.

2. The Human Race (Fantasia 2012)

“Poopie baby pooped his pants” is an actual line of dialogue from the The Human Race, and it accurately sums up how I felt after the screening. This film is an atrocity. The script is demented, skipping from scene to unrelated scene in an attempt to impress genre fans with its utter disregard for humanity. The Human Race tries to be “inclusive” with its willful prejudice against every type of person imaginable. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s morally reprehensible, racist, and sexist.

1. The Devil Inside (January 6; Paramount Insurge)

The Devil Inside is not a finished movie, but somehow that didn’t stop it from getting a wide release. It’s a half-flushed out story that ends abruptly, asking you to visit the website for more information. I don’t know about you, but when I pay to see a movie, I spend my hard earned money with the hopes of being entertained by a finished product. I was not entertained. I’ve never been angrier after leaving a theater.

Editorials

Finding Faith and Violence in ‘The Book of Eli’ 14 Years Later

Published

on

Having grown up in a religious family, Christian movie night was something that happened a lot more often than I care to admit. However, back when I was a teenager, my parents showed up one night with an unusually cool-looking DVD of a movie that had been recommended to them by a church leader. Curious to see what new kind of evangelical propaganda my parents had rented this time, I proceeded to watch the film with them expecting a heavy-handed snoozefest.

To my surprise, I was a few minutes in when Denzel Washington proceeded to dismember a band of cannibal raiders when I realized that this was in fact a real movie. My mom was horrified by the flick’s extreme violence and dark subject matter, but I instantly became a fan of the Hughes Brothers’ faith-based 2010 thriller, The Book of Eli. And with the film’s atomic apocalypse having apparently taken place in 2024, I think this is the perfect time to dive into why this grim parable might also be entertaining for horror fans.

Originally penned by gaming journalist and The Walking Dead: The Game co-writer Gary Whitta, the spec script for The Book of Eli was already making waves back in 2007 when it appeared on the coveted Blacklist. It wasn’t long before Columbia and Warner Bros. snatched up the rights to the project, hiring From Hell directors Albert and Allen Hughes while also garnering attention from industry heavyweights like Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman.

After a series of revisions by Anthony Peckham meant to make the story more consumer-friendly, the picture was finally released in January of 2010, with the finished film following Denzel as a mysterious wanderer making his way across a post-apocalyptic America while protecting a sacred book. Along the way, he encounters a run-down settlement controlled by Bill Carnegie (Gary Oldman), a man desperate to get his hands on Eli’s book so he can motivate his underlings to expand his empire. Unwilling to let this power fall into the wrong hands, Eli embarks on a dangerous journey that will test the limits of his faith.


SO WHY IS IT WORTH WATCHING?

Judging by the film’s box-office success, mainstream audiences appear to have enjoyed the Hughes’ bleak vision of a future where everything went wrong, but critics were left divided by the flick’s trope-heavy narrative and unapologetic religious elements. And while I’ll be the first to admit that The Book of Eli isn’t particularly subtle or original, I appreciate the film’s earnest execution of familiar ideas.

For starters, I’d like to address the religious elephant in the room, as I understand the hesitation that some folks (myself included) might have about watching something that sounds like Christian propaganda. Faith does indeed play a huge part in the narrative here, but I’d argue that the film is more about the power of stories than a specific religion. The entire point of Oldman’s character is that he needs a unifying narrative that he can take advantage of in order to manipulate others, while Eli ultimately chooses to deliver his gift to a community of scholars. In fact, the movie even makes a point of placing the Bible in between equally culturally important books like the Torah and Quran, which I think is pretty poignant for a flick inspired by exploitation cinema.

Sure, the film has its fair share of logical inconsistencies (ranging from the extent of Eli’s Daredevil superpowers to his impossibly small Braille Bible), but I think the film more than makes up for these nitpicks with a genuine passion for classic post-apocalyptic cinema. Several critics accused the film of being a knockoff of superior productions, but I’d argue that both Whitta and the Hughes knowingly crafted a loving pastiche of genre influences like Mad Max and A Boy and His Dog.

Lastly, it’s no surprise that the cast here absolutely kicks ass. Denzel plays the title role of a stoic badass perfectly (going so far as to train with Bruce Lee’s protégée in order to perform his own stunts) while Oldman effortlessly assumes a surprisingly subdued yet incredibly intimidating persona. Even Mila Kunis is remarkably charming here, though I wish the script had taken the time to develop these secondary characters a little further. And hey, did I mention that Tom Waits is in this?


AND WHAT MAKES IT HORROR ADJACENT?

Denzel’s very first interaction with another human being in this movie results in a gory fight scene culminating in a face-off against a masked brute wielding a chainsaw (which he presumably uses to butcher travelers before eating them), so I think it’s safe to say that this dog-eat-dog vision of America will likely appeal to horror fans.

From diseased cannibals to hyper-violent motorcycle gangs roaming the wasteland, there’s plenty of disturbing R-rated material here – which is even more impressive when you remember that this story revolves around the bible. And while there are a few too many references to sexual assault for my taste, even if it does make sense in-universe, the flick does a great job of immersing you in this post-nuclear nightmare.

The excessively depressing color palette and obvious green screen effects may take some viewers out of the experience, but the beat-up and lived-in sets and costume design do their best to bring this dead world to life – which might just be the scariest part of the experience.

Ultimately, I believe your enjoyment of The Book of Eli will largely depend on how willing you are to overlook some ham-fisted biblical references in order to enjoy some brutal post-apocalyptic shenanigans. And while I can’t really blame folks who’d rather not deal with that, I think it would be a shame to miss out on a genuinely engaging thrill-ride because of one minor detail.

With that in mind, I’m incredibly curious to see what Whitta and the Hughes Brothers have planned for the upcoming prequel series starring John Boyega


There’s no understating the importance of a balanced media diet, and since bloody and disgusting entertainment isn’t exclusive to the horror genre, we’ve come up with Horror Adjacent – a recurring column where we recommend non-horror movies that horror fans might enjoy.

Continue Reading