[BEST & WORST '12] Evan Dickson’s List Of The Worst Horror Movies Of 2012!

Best-And-Worst-2012

Writing for a genre site is funny sometimes. Since we keep things more or less related to horror around here, we wind up examining almost every movie that comes out that could be potentially associated with that genre. This means that I end up watching a lot of movies that are so bad many people are just flat-out unaware of their existence. So when I look around to sites that cover every genre – and therefore have a more mainstream cross-section from which to pull their “best” and “worst” lists – I’m always surprised at what stuff is worthy of the “worst” designation. I think to myself, “this guy named ‘Snow White And The Huntsman’ one of the year’s worst movies. That’s as bad as it got for him.” While I’m sure that film is terrible, I’d bet a major organ that it’s far better than Snow White: A Deadly Summer.

Speaking of, 2012 was a year filled to the brim with lazy, cynical horror movies made by people with no love for the genre – people who see horror as a cheap way to make a buck off a dedicated fanbase. This is a list of those movies (and a few that had their hearts in the right place but got mangled along the way) in no particular order.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Evan Dickson (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst) | Lonmonster (Best/Worst) | Corey Mitchell (Best of Fest) | Supporting Staff (Best & Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best Novels)
Posters (Best/Worst) | Trailers (Best/Worst)

EVAN DICKSON’S BOTTOM 7 OF 2012

Greystone Park (October 16th; XLrator Media)

Sean Stone managed to craft the most boring horror film of the year with this unbelievably out of touch yarn about people ghost hunting in an abandoned asylum. It’s as if he and the film’s screenwriter ______ came up with this story around the time The Blair Witch Project was released and didn’t bother to develop the idea at all in between then and shooting it. It’s the cinematic equivalent of trying to trade someone a Disc Man for their iPad. To make matters worse, Greytsone Park is unbelievably self satisfied for something so lazy.

Gone (February 24; Summit)

Some near-meltdown moments from my 0/10 review: “ Watching ‘Gone’ is like watching the world’s dumbest person play the world’s worst RPG side mission…’Gone’ is perhaps the worst film I have seen theatrically. At least in the past 10 years. I’m literally trying to find a precedent for a film I’ve enjoyed less and I can’t find one… [It] has talent and resources at its disposal – it just chooses to be lazy. It chooses to be boring and bad. With so much in its corner you would think it could provide at least one single entertaining moment, but it willfully declines. And that is unforgivable. It chooses to take your money without the effort or intent of living up to its end of the bargain.

The Devil Inside (January 6; Paramount Insurge)

I was far too kind in my initial 5/10 review. The first two acts of this film are a standard and trite misuse of the found-footage conceit with laughable lines about the rigors of “Exorcism school.” But what about the third act? Actually, the film doesn’t have one. Just as things finally get going they cut to a title card bearing a URL. How insulting is that? Movies cost a lot of money these days, The Devil Inside takes it out of your pocket and spits in your face.

Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (October 23; Fox Home Entertainment)

Some near-meltdown moments from my 1/10 review (I only gave it the “1″ so folks would actually notice that it had been reviewed when they looked at the skull ranking): “It’s ugly, mean-spirited, stupid and seems to truly hate women… it managed to be the one of the most truly unpleasant viewing experiences of my life… I think part of the key here is the utter disdain the film has for its audience. This movie doesn’t care if you like it or not. It’s not meant to be enjoyed, it’s meant to be bought… Even worse, the film ends on the implication that Roxanne McKee’s character is going to be raped repeatedly by Maynard and the cannibals. This is designed to be a punchy ending… [except] four people raping a girl whose eyes have been gouged out is never funny!

The Apparition (August 24; Warner Bros.)

I’ll commend The Apparition for its ambition. It really does want to be something new and different, but it never figures out quite how to pull it off. Its aggressively suburban setting confuses banality for relatability and jump scares for actual, you know, scares.

Paranormal Activity 4 (October 19; Paramount)

What a disappointment. After PA3 took the series to a place that was actually engaging and fun I was sure that returning directors Ariel Joost and Henry Shuman could at least match, if not top, themselves in this effort. I was wrong. Paranormal Activity 4 is so bad I literally couldn’t believe my eyes as it was happening. Why, after three films in the franchise and countless others outside it, do they feel the need to try to reintroduce us to the very conceit of found footage? And that’s just the opening five minutes! By the film’s end we’re supposed to be scared by the sight of Katie Featherston running around breaking people’s necks. There is not one single, solitary second of this film that in any way lives up to its predecessor.

Snow White: A Deadly Summer (March 20; Lionsgate)

Some near-meltdown moments from my 1/10 review: “ It’s the kind of movie where there’s not one single human moment onscreen. Where twists that should be revelatory are rendered inert by the anti-story. Where a major character’s death is explained via flat, emotion-less exposition by the only character in the film that would actually have any emotion regarding it. Where lazy writing, shooting and editorial decisions expect to be tolerated and rewarded… Disappointing fans of quality and competency alike, there is literally not one person I could recommend this to with a straight face.

  • djblack1313

    Marsha Brady & Eric Roberts? i’m in (joking! LOL). i keep seeing THE APPARITION in almost everyone’s worst of list. i think i need to see this movie! LOL. i DO really like Ashley Green.

    i found WRONG TURN 5 to be a step up from the god awful part 3 & 4 but yeah, it was still lame. lol.

    • Zombie-Killa

      I need another recommendation djblack! I listened to your advice for Wrong Turn 4, now I need help for Wrong Turn 5! Is it worth watching or not?

      • djblack1313

        Zombie-Killa, WT5 (imo) is worth watching but DO NOT BUY IT until you’ve seen it to know if you want it in your collection. i’d never watch it again but it was a definite step or 2 up from WT3 & WT4! lol.

        • Zombie-Killa

          Thank you! I asked, because Wal-Mart has it for pretty good price, and I’m one of those people, who are obsessed with completing their video collections. But I’ll be sure to rent it tomorrow, and give you my thoughts on it!

          • djblack1313

            Zombie-Killa i looking forward to seeing what you thought of it! :)

    • mikeknowskarate

      I thought WT5 wasn’t take bad. Neither was 4. 3 was awful but it just bought it to complete the collection.

      • mikeknowskarate

        ….and now I’m going to take back what I said about 4. Watched it again last night and it was pretty bad also.

  • Goretorium

    There are always good and bad horror every year.

    - @Goretorium

  • Zombie-Killa

    I dunno Evan, I would’ve put Gone at #1. Yes, it was that bad. And that ending, oh what a travesty! Probably one of the lamest twists I’ve ever seen from any type of film.

    • djblack1313

      Zombie-Killa, wait until you watch THE FACTORY (ironically another Jennifer Carpenter movie). the twist in that literally ruined a semi-decent thriller.

      • Zombie-Killa

        Really? Wow, now I have to watch The Factory, because I can’t imagine anything being worse than the twist in Gone.

  • Canucklehead

    I didn’t manage to see any of these and I see a fair amount of trash. My choice, Chernobyl Diaries. So much potential, so little actually happened (at least on screen).

  • coldblood

    Sequels are always so bad, especially when they get past the third one. However, I do want to see Human Centipede 3. Is that wrong or what?

  • Aaron Emery

    Man GONE was awful! I work in a video store and watch people (middle aged women and their daughters) rent it on a daily basis. I actually over heard one customer telling their friend how “scary” the movie was. I don’t see how even he most simple minded person could find that crap entertaining. And to top it off it had an ending that slapped in the face any poor soul who endured the whole thing. 1. Under the porch, really?!? 2. Who the fuck was that guy and why? 3. What an epic battle to conclude the story of nothing. After these year-end posts I hope to never speak of this movie again!
    THE APPARITION also shocked me that it got a wide release, I guess that was 2012′s CREATURE!!
    I feel THE DEVIL INSIDE gets unfair treatment, it wasn’t that bad!
    WRONG TURN 5 whether better than part 4 or worse, go gives a shit they are both terrible. 1& 2 are the only ones worth watching!
    PA4 wasn’t too bad for a PA film, but that’s not saying much, compared to some of the great stuff that was released this year, it stands out as an awful film.
    Thanks Evan, very nice list! And thanks for sending me in a rant!! :)

    • djblack1313

      Aaron, i agree. WRONG TURN 1 & 2 are the only real WT movies IMO.

  • Jasonicus

    I think this is the first time I agree with Evan. Just shit films here. Wrong Turn 5 was the worst film I saw this year.

  • splatterhead4ever

    Hey, does anyone know the difference between Creature rated r and Creature unrated. I’m sure both suck but if I’m going to suffer, I would prefer more blood. lol. Amazon has the rated version for free on prime.

  • Zombie-Killa

    Djblack, I just finished watching Wrong Turn 5…..and wow. I’m just speechless. It was definitely grotesque, violent, disturbing, and they spared no expense for the hard to watch moments. With all that said, it’s not as bad as #3. That’s my measuring stick for crappy Wrong Turn films, and it didn’t sink that low. But it’s safe to say Wrong Turn films have officially reached the “for fans only” stage, because I can’t picture an outsider wanting to take a chance on these films. Still, I’m happy I rented it first instead of buying it. You just saved me from a regrettable purchase! lol.

    Thanks again!

  • Brackett

    Worst horror movies of 2012: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkCu-gQIZBY

  • Evan3

    I have to admit I will never understand the infatuation with Paranormal Activity 3. The ending was beyond ludacris, and ripped off the Last Exorcism. Worst though, it lacked any unique scares outside of the ghost sheet (a scare that had no payoff). I enjoyed 1, and thought 2 was at leas a neat way to expand the mythology, but three caused me to stop watching the series and four seems like a disaster!

  • AndrewSoukup24

    Haven’t seen any of thses but def will check out a few…no surprise Wrong Turn 5 was awful becasue they jus keep getting worse as they go on…Never even heard of Snow White A Deadly Summer haha.

  • AndrewSoukup24

    All this Wrong Turn hate haha..I would rather watch Wrong Turn 1-5 than Detention though….That movie was awful and made some best of lists.

  • Justen

    I haven’t seen Paranormal Activity 4, but I think it goes without saying that I didn’t have to to know that it’s a piece of absolute shit. The first movie used the found-footage idea and put a supernatural spin on it. It was successful. But for some frigging reason, the writers spewed out 3 more movies! The latest one doesn’t even make sense according to the countless reviews I’ve read. The entire series has just gone downhill, and I hope they don’t waste time and money making a fifth one.