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[BEST & WORST ’13 ] Patrick Cooper’s List of the Best Films of 2013

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Hey do you guys remember 2013? That sunovabitch went by fast, didn’t it? As far as horror goes, I think it was a pretty solid year. This was the first time in a few years where I didn’t have any real difficulty picking my favorites. There are only a few that would be considered 100% horror films – the others are cross-breeds and genre mutts. Some strong indie showings made the list, some big-budget flicks, as well as the return to form for a master director. Overall, 2013 was a mixed bag, but in the best way possible.

While I didn’t have trouble picking my 10 favorites, actually ranking them in order would probably give my a full on panic attack. So my list is presented in alphabetical order for my sanity’s sake.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Indie) | Evan Dickson (Best) | The Wolfman (Festival Favorites) | Patrick Cooper (Best)
Lonmonster (Best/Worst) | Lauren Taylor (Best/Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best Novels)
Best Posters | Best Performances | Best Trailers

PATRICK COOPER’S TOP 10 OF 2013
10. YOU’RE NEXT (Aug. 23; Lionsgate)

I got to see You’re Next at its Fantastic Fest screening back in 2011. For the past two years, I kinda got sick of hearing myself hype it up to friends. It finally got released this year and was just as much of a blast the second time around. It’s a solid blend of humor and thrills with some top notch performances – particularly by badass heroine Sharni Vinson. It’s also got smarts to spare, making it a refreshing take on the home invasion genre that transcends the trappings of the genre. You’re Next also proved that there’s a place for indie horror in wide release.

9. STOKER (March 1; Fox Searchlight)

I knew back in early 2013 that Stoker would crack my best of list for the year. It’s a cold, exceptionally constructed film that’s also sexy as hell. Chan Wook Park is a master craftsman and it shows in every shot. There’s not one scene in Stoker that’s not brimming with details and subtleties. There are inspired moments of violence and sexual awakening, all wrapped around a genuinely compelling family drama. Mia Wasikowski’s portrayal of a darkly quirky girl coming of age is fantastic. By coming of age I mean she cums thinking about her uncle snapping someone’s neck. Good stuff!

8. SPRING BREAKERS (March 22; Lionsgate)

Watch the dubstep montages of hulking frat boys waving red Solo cups into the camera and tell me this isn’t a horror movie. Watch the destruction of Selena Gomez’s innocence at the bejeweled hands of James Franco and tell me this isn’t a horror movie. Watch Gucci Mane stone-cold threaten Alien in a darkened strip club and tell me this isn’t a horror movie. Harmony Korine is hit or miss with me, but homeboy can pack his backs after this one for all I care. He made his masterpiece in 2013. Spring Breakers is a barrage of unsettling neon decadence featuring 2013’s best performance: James Franco as the unnerving Florida rapper Alien. It’s either a poignant commentary on our Dionysian culture and the commercialization of it or a celebration of it. Either way, Spring Breakers is a downright terrifying and beautiful film.

7. SAVAGED (TBD; Raven Banner)

Brad sent me a lot of online screeners during the tail end of 2013. I didn’t get to them all (a guy’s gotta watch Full House reruns sometime!), but holy shit am I glad I took on Savaged. It’s a lean, mean take on the rape/revenge and Native American revenge genres that’s as over the top in its brutality as it is effective in its catharsis. Writer/director Michael S. Ojeda also manages to deftly incorporate a potent love story alongside the vicious revenge plot. The Native American elements of the film are treated with a lot of respect as well – something you don’t typically see in genre films. Across the board, Savaged was packing heat. Here’s hoping this kick ass hybrid can scalp the masses in 2014.

6. PRISONERS (Sept. 20; Warner Bros.)

Despite the star power of Wolverine, Prisoners didn’t make a lot of noise when it was released in 2013. It’s a wicked bleak movie – one that isn’t so much about the crime as it is the consequences of vigilantism. The film takes a realistic look at the effect of a child abduction on a family, which doesn’t make for a pretty picture. At the heart of the film is the character study of two men: Jackman’s patriarch Keller Dover and Jake Gyllenhaal’s Detective Loki. Dover is a blue-collar warrior – the embodiment of a Springsteen song – driven to vengeance. He’s great, but Gyllenhaal is something outta this world. After James Franco’s Alien in Spring Breakers, Gyllenhaal delivered my second favorite performance of the year. Loki is a consumed, stalwart character made up of equal parts tragedy and nobility. He’s so compelling and sad and handsome…so handsome…I could watch him forever. Also, Paul Dano plays a terrifically sympathetic scumbag who looks like he smells really bad.

5. PASSION (Oct. 25; Dark Dunes Productions)

Brian De Palma took a few years off after The Black Dahlia – that lazy shrug of a film. In 2013 the master craftsman came out swinging with Passion – his best film since 1992’s Raising Cain. He didn’t break any new ground with Passion or reinvent himself – instead he did what he does best: present a sexy as hell Hitchcockian thriller with style out the ass. Honestly, De Palma hasn’t seemed this confident since the ’80s.Passion is basically his thesis film containing all of the elements that have made him one of the best thriller directors of our time. Pretty much 100 percent of the marketing revolved around the Rachel McAdams/Noomi Rapace lesbian stuff, but that makes up such small part of the film. The rest is classic De Palma: style, sex, doppelgangers, and stylish sexy doppelgangers. The final scene is devilishly comforting for what it is. It’s so great to know De Palma is still out there doing his thing.

4. LORD OF TEARS (Oct. 25; Dark Dunes Productions)

Certain movies can really get under your skin. In 2013 one humble little indie submerged beneath my entire psyche and had its way with me: Lawrie Brewster’s Lord of Tears. The entire film feels out of time. It feels like a throwback without biting any other films. Lord of Tears is a true chiller drenched in gothic atmosphere and a solid mystery that left me genuinely shook. The indie market presented only a handful of triumphs in 2013 and Lord of Tears is certainly one of them.

3. DRUG WAR (July 26; Well Go USA)

Veteran Hong Kong filmmaker Johnnie To simply knows how to do the crime genre right. With the masterful Drug War, he presented one of his most badass and sincere films – one that understands the humanity of narcs, drug lords, and informants. A lot of critics compared it to The Wire because it comments on all sides of the “war on drugs.” In place of Omar are two deaf brothers who manage to be as badass as everyone’s favorite shotgun-toting gay man. Their riotous gunfight against dozens of cops is goddamn glorious. It’s also a very smart film – one that respects its audience’s intelligence. Drug War is simply a perfect entry into the crime genre.

2. THE CONJURING (July 19; Warner Bros.)

I dunno, man. While The Conjuring didn’t knock me on my ass like I hoped it would, there’s something I find infinitely watchable about the film. It has its weak jump scares like every other contemporary horror film, but it makes up for those moments with its strong setting. A lot of the film’s success has to do with Vera Farmiga (who is a goddess walking the earth), but even more is owed to James Wan’s passion for the craft. The scares are cheap at times, but overall The Conjuring employs its thick atmosphere and sincere belief in the supernatural to provide its chills. Also, the time spent establishing the geography of the house earns a strong payoff. Most contemporary genre directors don’t give a shit about stuff like that. Despite The Conjuring‘s cheap jump scares, with this film and Insidious 2, I think Wan is taking the mainstream in a positive direction.

1. CHEAP THRILLS (TBD; Drafthouse Films)

Cheap Thrills is 2013’s perfect party movie. It’s a total blast. Sadly, it’s also one of 2013’s most depressingly relevant ones. The plot concerning desperate men performing progressively more offensive dares for money rings true alongside America’s bullshit society. We live in some tough economic times and the prospect of earning money for being an immoral asshole is equal parts tempting and loathsome. It’s an angry and bloody film really well acted by Pat Healy, Ethan Embry, and its true madman, David Koechner. At its best, horror reflects contemporary society – Cheap Thrills certainly holds an ugly and complex mirror up to our current shitty class war.

HONORABLE NON-HORROR MENTIONS

Here’s some 2013 films outside of the horror genre I’d like to show some love to. With The Wolf of Wall Street, 71 yr. old Scorsese made younger filmmakers look like chicken shit fossils. Also, Leo is a physical comedy wizard. Jeff Nichol’s Mud is a brilliant and beuatiful coming of age film featuring that hunky weirdo Matthew McConaughey. Andrew Bujalski’s Computer Chess is a funny, interesting look at the dawn of the computer age through the eyes of obsessive programmers. I’m a sucker for David Gordon Green, so it was nice to see him return to his offbeat, poetic roots with Prince Avalanche. The Place Beyond the Pines made for one helluva depressing and beautiful ride. And lastly, I’d like to recommend the Jason Statham thriller Redemption, which is easily the best film of his career. It’s not your typical Statham fare (there are only like two fight scenes) and his fans might be surprised at the range he shows in this one. Dig it.

Patrick writes stuff about stuff for Bloody and Collider. His fiction has appeared in ThugLit, Shotgun Honey, Flash Fiction Magazine, and your mother's will. He'll have a ginger ale, thanks.

Editorials

‘Leprechaun Returns’ – The Charm of the Franchise’s Legacy Sequel

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leprechaun returns

The erratic Leprechaun franchise is not known for sticking with a single concept for too long. The namesake (originally played by Warwick Davis) has gone to L.A., Las Vegas, space, and the ‘hood (not once but twice). And after an eleven-year holiday since the Davis era ended, the character received a drastic makeover in a now-unmentionable reboot. The critical failure of said film would have implied it was time to pack away the green top hat and shillelagh, and say goodbye to the nefarious imp. Instead, the Leprechaun series tried its luck again.

The general consensus for the Leprechaun films was never positive, and the darker yet blander Leprechaun: Origins certainly did not sway opinions. Just because the 2014 installment took itself seriously did not mean viewers would. After all, creator Mark Jones conceived a gruesome horror-comedy back in the early nineties, and that format is what was expected of any future ventures. So as horror legacy sequels (“legacyquels”) became more common in the 2010s, Leprechaun Returns followed suit while also going back to what made the ‘93 film work. This eighth entry echoed Halloween (2018) by ignoring all the previous sequels as well as being a direct continuation of the original. Even ardent fans can surely understand the decision to wipe the slate clean, so to speak.

Leprechaun Returns “continued the [franchise’s] trend of not being consistent by deciding to be consistent.” The retconning of Steven Kostanski and Suzanne Keilly’s film was met with little to no pushback from the fandom, who had already become accustomed to seeing something new and different with every chapter. Only now the “new and different” was familiar. With the severe route of Origins a mere speck in the rearview mirror, director Kotanski implemented a “back to basics” approach that garnered better reception than Zach Lipovsky’s own undertaking. The one-two punch of preposterous humor and grisly horror was in full force again.

LEPRECHAUN

Pictured: Linden Porco as The Leprechaun in Leprechaun Returns.

With Warwick Davis sitting this film out — his own choice — there was the foremost challenge of finding his replacement. Returns found Davis’ successor in Linden Porco, who admirably filled those blood-stained, buckled shoes. And what would a legacy sequel be without a returning character? Jennifer Aniston obviously did not reprise her final girl role of Tory Redding. So, the film did the next best thing and fetched another of Lubdan’s past victims: Ozzie, the likable oaf played by Mark Holton. Returns also created an extension of Tory’s character by giving her a teenage daughter, Lila (Taylor Spreitler).

It has been twenty-five years since the events of the ‘93 film. The incident is unknown to all but its survivors. Interested in her late mother’s history there in Devil’s Lake, North Dakota, Lila transferred to the local university and pledged a sorority — really the only one on campus — whose few members now reside in Tory Redding’s old home. The farmhouse-turned-sorority-house is still a work in progress; Lila’s fellow Alpha Epsilon sisters were in the midst of renovating the place when a ghost of the past found its way into the present.

The Psycho Goreman and The Void director’s penchant for visceral special effects is noted early on as the Leprechaun tears not only into the modern age, but also through poor Ozzie’s abdomen. The portal from 1993 to 2018 is soaked with blood and guts as the Leprechaun forces his way into the story. Davis’ iconic depiction of the wee antagonist is missed, however, Linden Porco is not simply keeping the seat warm in case his predecessor ever resumes the part. His enthusiastic performance is accentuated by a rotten-looking mug that adds to his innate menace.

LEPRECHAUN RETURNS sequel

Pictured: Taylor Spreitler, Pepi Sonuga, and Sai Bennett as Lila, Katie and Rose in Leprechaun Returns.

The obligatory fodder is mostly young this time around. Apart from one luckless postman and Ozzie — the premature passing of the latter character removed the chance of caring about anyone in the film — the Leprechaun’s potential prey are all college aged. Lila is this story’s token trauma kid with caregiver baggage; her mother thought “monsters were always trying to get her.” Lila’s habit of mentioning Tory’s mental health problem does not make a good first impression with the resident mean girl and apparent alcoholic of the sorority, Meredith (Emily Reid). Then there are the nicer but no less cursorily written of the Alpha Epsilon gals: eco-conscious and ex-obsessive Katie (Pepi Sonuga), and uptight overachiever Rose (Sai Bennett). Rounding out the main cast are a pair of destined-to-die bros (Oliver Llewellyn Jenkins, Ben McGregor). Lila and her peers range from disposable to plain irritating, so rooting for any one of them is next to impossible. Even so, their overstated personalities make their inevitable fates more satisfying.

Where Returns excels is its death sequences. Unlike Jones’ film, this one is not afraid of killing off members of the main cast. Lila, admittedly, wears too much plot armor, yet with her mother’s spirit looming over her and the whole story — comedian Heather McDonald put her bang-on Aniston impersonation to good use as well as provided a surprisingly emotional moment in the film — her immunity can be overlooked. Still, the other characters’ brutal demises make up for Lila’s imperviousness. The Leprechaun’s killer set-pieces also happen to demonstrate the time period, seeing as he uses solar panels and a drone in several supporting characters’ executions. A premortem selfie and the antagonist’s snarky mention of global warming additionally add to this film’s particular timestamp.

Critics were quick to say Leprechaun Returns did not break new ground. Sure, there is no one jetting off to space, or the wacky notion of Lubdan becoming a record producer. This reset, however, is still quite charming and entertaining despite its lack of risk-taking. And with yet another reboot in the works, who knows where the most wicked Leprechaun ever to exist will end up next.


Horror contemplates in great detail how young people handle inordinate situations and all of life’s unexpected challenges. While the genre forces characters of every age to face their fears, it is especially interested in how youths might fare in life-or-death scenarios.

The column Young Blood is dedicated to horror stories for and about teenagers, as well as other young folks on the brink of terror.

Leprechaun Returns movie

Pictured: Linden Porco as The Leprechaun in Leprechaun Returns.

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