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[BEST & WORST ’12] Lonmonster’s List Of The Worst Films Of 2012

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I’ve been following Bloody-Disgusting since way before I started writing for them. Being a critic has opened so many doors for me, providing the awesome opportunity to discover a world of horror that I didn’t even know existed. Unfortunately, some of that world is not so pretty.

Like any year, 2012 was host to some real stinkers. As a personal rule, I avoid trash-talking other people in the industry. I don’t like spitting venom at people I don’t know, especially young filmmakers who are still learning the tricks of the trade. But hey, I’m an emotional guy, and sometimes movies get the better of me. The films listed below don’t find themselves here simply because they’re bad, but because they genuinely made me angry.

Mr. Disgusting (Best/Worst) | Evan Dickson (Best/Worst) | David Harley (Best/Worst) | Lonmonster (Best/Worst) | Corey Mitchell (Best of Fest) | Supporting Staff (Best & Worst) | Ryan Daley (Best Novels)
Posters (Best/Worst) | Trailers (Best/Worst)

Lonmonster’s List Of The Worst Films Of 2012

5. ATM (March 2; IFC Films)

I don’t really want to put this one on my list because I know some of you are hounds for bad horror and will inevitably watch this after seeing it listed. Nobody should watch this movie.

4. Seven Below (April 7; Arc Entertainment)

Seven Below isn’t a complex film, but it wants to be. It has a capable cast of actors, including Val Kilmer, but no star can help a plot that makes zero sense. There is no explanation for anything that happens. People pull photographs out of nowhere, there’s a ghost, a Mexican, another ghost, a glory hole behind a bed, and something to do with reincarnation. Or, are they hallucinating? Seven Below is like a game of Clue being played by 6-year-olds who don’t give a shit about rules, but just put pieces on the board and make up a story.

3. Hidden In The Woods (Fantasia 2012)

Murder, drugs, rape, rape, and more rape. A deformed cannibalistic brother, prostitution, starvation, more rape. This a shamefully misogynistic film that treats rape as a queue for thrills rather than a serious subject. Hidden in the Woods is offensive to good taste, and it should stay hidden.

2. The Human Race (Fantasia 2012)

“Poopie baby pooped his pants” is an actual line of dialogue from the The Human Race, and it accurately sums up how I felt after the screening. This film is an atrocity. The script is demented, skipping from scene to unrelated scene in an attempt to impress genre fans with its utter disregard for humanity. The Human Race tries to be “inclusive” with its willful prejudice against every type of person imaginable. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s morally reprehensible, racist, and sexist.

1. The Devil Inside (January 6; Paramount Insurge)

The Devil Inside is not a finished movie, but somehow that didn’t stop it from getting a wide release. It’s a half-flushed out story that ends abruptly, asking you to visit the website for more information. I don’t know about you, but when I pay to see a movie, I spend my hard earned money with the hopes of being entertained by a finished product. I was not entertained. I’ve never been angrier after leaving a theater.

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Editorials

Why Mainstream Horror Should Lighten Up

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“Elevated Horror.” Of all the combinations in the English language, that one is the most insufferable. 

It represents almost a decade of scary movies that, for the most part, took themselves too seriously. Horror responds to the moment, so its “why so serious” lean makes sense as we scuttle through the “worst of times” equation of Charles Dickens’ famous opening lines. But there’s still an opening and a need for a lighter approach; one that not only has fun with its audience but takes the piss out of a genre that is seemingly letting its newfound “respectability” go to its head. 

Wes Craven believed devotees see horror films to let out their fears one primal scream at a time. At their core, these movies are roller coasters; they bring us as close to the edge as possible before pulling us back into a safety net of reality. The need for a bigger and badder coaster increases during times when the size of that net decreases.

There’s a thrill that comes from imagining being in a foot race with a madman, or outthinking the hordes of zombies on the other side of the door, plus the scavenger humans coming behind them. There’s even a rush that comes from imagining how one might deal with possession to see good triumph over evil in the end. It’s all about building tension and releasing it through catharsis. That cathartic release usually sounds like screams followed by laughter, which signals relief. Genre heavy hitters over the past 10 years offered very little of that respite when the credits rolled. Films like Hereditary, The Witch, Talk to Me, and even Smile (pick one) keep that tension going after the screen fades to black.

Hereditary

As the genre became obsessed with creating trauma metaphors, that lack of release made sense. Anyone with even a small sample size of traumatic experiences knows those emotions don’t magically resolve themselves in an allotted run time. But how much trauma can one take? Especially when there’s a mess going on outside that few of us can escape from. Movies offer that off-ramp, no matter how short. 

Everything can’t be, nor should it be, “elevated.” Audiences need thoughtful explorations of life’s ills via monsters as much as they need murdering masked maniacs with kitchen knives. And no, it doesn’t have to go any deeper than that. Sometimes, a knife is just a knife, and it’s still worth our time and respect. As weird as it sounds, that simplicity is comforting not in spite of the trauma but because of it. 

The worst of times should manifest more than just anguish. People need to laugh just as much as they need to think seriously about this moment in time. Even the Scream franchise forgot the meta rock upon which it built its church when the latest foray sacrificed the subtle comedy for serious drama. Scary Movie returned at the perfect moment. It provides the necessary laughs, but it’s not a cure-all.

This isn’t a call for Scary Movie imitators but a return to a mainstream landscape where Killer Klowns from Outer Space sat with The Serpent and the Rainbow, nestled neatly with the latest Nightmare on Elm Street, which took nothing away from The Vanishing.

They Live

Even They Live, John Carpenter’s horror sci-fi satire sandwich, kept its tongue firmly in cheek while discussing serious ideas still relevant in 2026. Yes, a film about aliens taking over the world through subliminal messaging only visible through coded sunglasses is, in fact, a tad silly. Carpenter understood that mainstream horror can’t become so self-important that it never looks itself in the mirror and laughs at that inherent silliness. 

The thing is, horror historically excels at poking fun at itself. Most of the Scream franchise, The Cabin in the Woods, or The Blackening show adoration without kowtowing. They recognize tropes and trappings but invert them for an audience already in on the joke, but one that also finds solace in said conventions. This keeps the genre on its toes; once something gets parodied, it’s usually time to evolve. That breeds new ideas and fresh filmmakers, which not only strengthen the genre’s collective voice but also amplify it.

Get Out, as “elevated” as some critics want us to believe it is, is a cathartic, populist scary movie that spoke to an untapped audience rather than speaking down to them. Backrooms is one of the biggest horror hits in years, partially because it’s fine-tuned for modern-day teenagers instead of their parents. Movies like these tell everyone the genre is open for business; open for innovation and, yeah, open for new ways in which people can lovingly poke fun at with a wink and a nudge. 

Horror needs dread as much as it needs laughter.

Catharsis is just as important as tension, and pulpy populism has the same merit as more high-brow material. Respectability shouldn’t come at the expense of an experience akin to walking through a haunted house. At a time when joy seems in short supply, horror should look to its past to map out its future, and make things just a tad brighter for audiences.

Backrooms

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